Our lives took a horrible change. (header) When I hadn't heard from Carissa we got in the car and it had been so long since I had been to her house I missed the street. Wil just wanted me to go on home, where he is more comfortable. He did not recognize her house or car when I drove up.

The memory is still raw for me. Each Sunday I think back to her visits where we yakked a lot while Wil watched tv. There was no clue anything was wrong. She would show me how her Dexa scan was watching her diabetes. She would talk about work, about politics.  She never got to see Mr.Grey as he is not a people cat and heads for his penthouse in the garage.  I wonder what she would think now that I got Miss Kitty in the house. I can't remember if she even knew about that little feral.

I sat down day before yesterday to clear out greeting cards I have saved. I couldn't do it, most were from Carissa and some from Scott as well. So I closed the box and moved it to the closet in this room.  I'm making room in the other closet for groceries. I can leave none for Wil to see or he will eat them. I got 4 bananas last order, he ate 3 and right after I told him to leave 2. He will take a slice of bread and doesn't make a sandwich. He never tells me he's hungry. Half of that has to be boredom.

I got him to walk with me a couple days ago, not far but he walked. Then another day he went to fill 3 bird baths, only got 2. So later he wanted to go finish and I handed him the recycle basket to dump while out. Apparently he forgot about the bird bath and rolled up the hose and came in.

We got to the VA appointment and the resident asked if he knew why he was there. Mistake, Wil has dementia dum dum. So he asked Wil if he could talk to me. That's no way to evaluate Wil. Wil wanted to go home, were there an hour. Had to wait for Dr. in charge to come talk to me and tell me the social worker should talk to me and arrange any programs they have. If I don't hear from her call her back and she would see what she could do. Haven't done it.

I missed a pain management appointment to find out what the Dexa scan showed and what we could do about my back.  Made an appt. in April to see Dr. Martinez the original Dr.

Started PT for my shoulder last week but she worked some on my balance. Which causes more back and leg pain with some of them. sigh..

Need to go see what I can do for supper. Not enough spaghetti noodles for that.

Michel reminded me that I'm not up to date here when he posted on my FB, which is fine and I'm glad someone cares how we are. I'm even posting less there as the page is gone wonky. I try to comment on a post and the page jumps up where I can't see what I'm writing and it is annoying. They even restricted me for 90 days on timeline for posting a funny photo someone had put up and for a quote someone had made, neither their fact checkers could verify.  I noticed after I protested now the restriction is gone.

I am having a hard time sitting in this big expensive office chair with a pillow at my back and one under me, Kate bought a special one for me to sit on.  This week I called pain management and ask for another injection. Last one was in November but he won't give one until he evaluates my back. So Monday I get a MRI on my left shoulder and Tues. see pain management. Or do I have the days mixed up at the moment?  

Jan 16th as I was gathering trash for pick up Mr.Grey did his streak from window in the living room to the one in the dinning room. He hit my foot and knocked me over! I landed on my left side no less, hitting my shoulder on the wall and my arm the stove raised blood spots under the skin of course. Wil helped me back up and of course I worried about the cat as I landed on him too.  (He was fine but hid awhile some where).

I figured muscles would be sore. The next week on Wil's birthday and his episode that sent him to the ER I ended up pushing him in a wheel chair quite a distance when no one came to get him on discharge. That reinjured the shoulder. The next day I called my primary, they responded a day later, doctor ordered an MRI on my shoulder. By the time I could be scheduled I was using my arm, just some residual pains. I decided to do it any way. Trying to pull bed covers over me at night is painful still.

I guess the rod in my leg was not injured.

Today was a beautiful day and after lunch I took the rollator and headed for a very short walk. I have missed so many days I will have to start over on the 2 blk walk.

In the meantime I got Wil into the VA clinic, that doctor thinks that episode was probably a TIA, ER missed it. They didn't even draw labs on him. That ambulance ride btw was over a thousand dollars, as was mine when I broke my femur.

Another thing holding up my posting... assembling tax information. I learned final taxes have to be filed for Carissa. As Executor of her estate it falls on me. Taxes will have to be paid on the sale of her house.  Glad I haven't used any of the money in that account except for her cat.

Yesterday I learned if something happens to me the VA will only put Wil in a Veterans Hospital if they have a space and he qualifies with a disability. Otherwise he will be put in a nursing home. So I need to try and locate a memory/hospice type facility. This is of course if I die first.  So I need to talk to Alice some day and update her on this info.

If I fall and break my other hip and need home care that runs about $1500 a month. Have to find out what Medicare pays on home care. They paid for our PT for that short time.

So you see the last thing I think about lately is updating. forgive me please.

Yesterday was Wil's 84th birthday. (wonder why the 4 moved down). One thing I'm learning about dementia they can't really tell you when they don't feel well.  He stopped in the middle of the hall on the way to the bathroom, he wouldn't move, bent over some. I figured 'trots' and managed to get him in the bathroom. Instead of sitting down he threw up.  Next came the other. I got him an anti diarehhal med and put the tea kettle on. He sat at the desk and looked at his birthday card.

I had to explain to him he couldn't have coffee as I sat the tea cup down. He was trying to lay the half of banana down and couldn't seem to move. I told him to take a sip of tea but had to retrieve it from his hand as he was shaking so bad and he was spilling it. That was hard to do and he started to fall sideways on the office chair. I put the bucket from his feet up and he threw up a bit again. I couldn't get him to sit up and rotated the chair so his side was against the desk as I reached over and dialed 911. I was afraid he was having a stroke. I should not have panic(ed) as by the time they arrived he was sitting up and seemed fine. They checked his blood sugar and it was over 200. I decided he needed to go to the hospital.  So off he went.

Kate picked me up and it was around 11 a.m. and we didn't get home until 4 p.m. She stayed in the lobby as only one allowed in the room. I met the Dr. as I got back to the room, she had already evaluated him and told me it wasn't a stroke. I was a bit irritated they hadn't called me back as I had checked in as soon as arriving. She said it was gastritis.

She asked if I would like to talk to a case manager when I told her the problem with the VA and I needed answers from them. That was a mistake as while talking to the case manager I started to cry. Well she thought it was to much stress on me and he should be in a assisted facility for awhile. After she left I quit crying gathered my thoughts and sent word to the doctor I wanted him discharged to home and I will investigate any facility before putting him there. I know the case manager was going to call his VA clinic and Adult Protective to get help for me, but no idea if she did since I didn't follow her suggestion.

Glad I didn't he was fine last night and I got liquids and a couple pieces of toast in him.  Lydia brought over some Sprite and another clear liquid drink. I was in to much pain and it was to late in the day for me to go get some and I have 2 prescriptions to pick up.

The hospital was discharging a lot of people yesterday and the nurse dumped him out of the unit and left me to get him into the mens room. Kate told me what door she would be bringing the car to and I forgot her saying they would send someone to get him so I loaded my walker on his lap, told him to pick up his feet and headed down the hall. My left shoulder has not healed since last Sunday when Mr.Grey knocked me down. So now I'm sure another week or two it will continue to bother me.

I have to make an appt. with our primary, required by Medicare. Later, tomorrow we go to the eye doctor.

One day sweat shirt and pants, later in the same day shorts!  Today I kept the sweat pants on but went to a short sleeved T shirt. This morning before breakfast but after my morning pain pill I set about to sweep the hall, kitchen and bathroom, then mopped. The new flooring has the weirdest finish. It dries quick though it is hard to find a mop that goes over it easily. Swiffer not at all. Today's cellulose sponge mop. I've used my Libman on it before.

The very fact

 I was doing this after yesterday's encounter with a speeding cat that knocked me down is a surprise.   Here you can see the little brat plus the very light floor which probably wasn't the smartest purchase.  It has really lightened the kitchen and hallway.

Having problems centering the picture. Nothing new.

I got my breakfast and thought it best to rest. Not so sure that was such a good idea. Heating pad made me back feel better but when I  finally got up I could not walk without pain. I banged up my shoulder when I went down and scraped my arm on the oven handles. Wil remembered none of it though he helped me get up as I could only get to my hands and knees and couldn't push up. Of course I had to land on my left side but I guess the femur is fine. I scared the cat as I do believe I caught him as I went down.

It hasn't kept him away from my feet today. No I am not planning on finding a new home for him. He means an awful lot to me.

Tony and I had a discussion today about a new car. The gas gauge in the PT has gone belly up and the dealer is going to cost me an arm and leg. I keep forgetting there is a garage up the street I need to check in to. While Tony was here I tried to look up a small car I had seen but one needs the name of it. Once I found the cost of a new car and having to pay new insurance, license etc. I will nickle and dime myself with the PT. At 82 I don't know how many driving years I have left and right now I have a car that is  paid for.  I really love my PT, used it like a truck last year. Twice I hauled a boxed toilet in the back. lol Millie said I should of kept Carissa's car until I told her it was way to big for me. Just to gas that big thing would of been horrible. So now to keep pencil and paper in the car and when I see I've gone oh gee I don't know how many miles. Tank holds 12 gallon gas. Now how to figure out when I need gas. sigh..

Some how I hit something and found I was in the new Chrome incognito which I sure don't want to do. So Michel I will see if I can remember what I was going to write. lol

In that new mode all black headers, that is what made me realize something was wrong.

I got my two block walk in today and sat and took pictures as a work convoy came down the street. A pickup pulling two men on a contraption on the back were placing street dots on the rode since stripes are newly painted. Two flashing light convoy trucks following. No one in the lane beside them seemed to be slowing down.

I put a picture up on FB and am to tired tonight to get it over here. The link thing here is greyed out. So https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10219646563139369&set=a.10214412545572201 you probably would have to copy/paste the url if you want to see the picture.

The contraption had something heating what is probably a tar and it was dispensed out of a tube beside the man sitting near the street ready to drop the button. That has to be a hot job in our summers, but today was a lovely day though I was in shorts. Furnace off again but when I got up at 5 a.m. it was back on to take chill off.

We saw our primary doctor this week. I told him of a new person that he never heard of but when I said she teaches about accessing conversation by using long term memory I found Wil doesn't have that either.  You can see her here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww

She says a lot that will help me remember not to "drag Wil into my reality". This is one reason I can't carry on a regular conversation, why so much of the time it is obvious he doesn't know what I'm talking about. Like when he asks about something on the news I'm groaning over I can't explain it.  I try not to say 'you wouldn't understand' but instead 'I can't explain it'.

Another difficulty, don't point to anything. He can't follow where my finger is pointing. So now it is "take that blue wastebasket out and dump it in the big blue bin out back'.  That gets repeated and shortened.

Yet he is aware knives and scissors are sharp and often will caution me "be careful with that".  This week as I prepared to go walk he was concerned about the workmen in the street that I wanted a picture of. The machine was spewing hot water at times. They were repairing a section of sewer line by sending what the guy called a sock down the line, when inflated hot water hardened the resin type material. I learned all that after I got to the end and talked to a guy that didn't look too busy. lol

Yet when I got back he was not sitting in the rocker watching me. He didn't even ask what I found out or if I got pictures.

The day of our appt. he was rather reluctant about going but did and even joked with the doctor. The doctor is pleased in these last 5 yrs. he has not lost his humor. He was to see his VA clinic doctor next week, I was prepared for that but they cancelled again. Third appt. time coming up first week of Feb. This is an important one as they have got to get his diagnoses in the record and point me to what I must do with them if something happens to me again. People tell me it is a long process with the VA and you have to push them.

Most legal papers are done, ex: Will's, Power of Atty, physician directives. But I have no idea what I need and who to call for him. He can't live here alone. We can't count on our church to come to his rescue again. You see why I pray God keeps me here?  There is NO family here and none that would want to come here.

I still color for relaxation. Would like to read but still fight watery right eye. I need to schedule appt. for gastro as my stomach still acts up. I have only lost a pound and a half more so primary doc isn't concerned.

Michel I have shown both Miss Kitty and Mr.Grey before so I pulled out of folder here.

So far I haven't found the picture of Scott's little tree here but I post it every year. It sits on the kitchen table due to Mr. Grey. When he got comfortable with it he played with the little things under it. One day he found the container holding push pins that was under it and knocked it over and I had those push pins all over the floor and even the windowsill.  As I set about sweeping them up he came over to bat one until I grabbed it. Thank the Lord he never tried to eat one!  I only picked him up once since he came here and I have no idea how I would get him to the vet if needed.

He is no longer afraid of the walker and I think he delights getting in front of it. Then again I 'wall walk' more now and he will rub against my legs hindering movement. Lately he has been jumping up in my lap in the recliner. He must weigh 15 or 20 pounds.  Wil loves to watch him running from window to window.

As for Miss Kitty she will always be feral. I offered her a treat one day as she stood inside the garage door. Her answer, smack it out of my hand. Karen said the 2 weeks she had her she was never able to touch her. She had her in the guest bathroom until she was spayed. Even the folks at the vet called her the wild one.

Now there is an orange and white cat, I suspect a male as when Mr. Grey sees him he really switches his tail.

 Here is the picture of Scott's little tree Carissa had given him. Not a really good picture as details are absent. All the ornaments on this tree are permanently fixed to it. We still have the original box it goes in. The Santa is taken off and stored in a stocking but the rest stay on. They are more old fashioned, like candles and bulbs of years past.  Under it the round white balls are antenna balls that Scott fixed to sit under the tree. Those are now more a collectors item as the Jack in the Box doesn't give them out any more. So many cars have no radio antenna's and that is what they go on.

This picture I actually took at his house. I have the table it was sitting on also. I have it set up in my coloring room. The swing out the window I also have what is left of it. When I sit down on it I check the seat first. The other seat Wil set down and it tore.

Guess I babbled on enough. Oh I had a friend give me a rollator for Christmas and another friend here put it together. I am learning to walk with it as the 10 inch wheels I wanted really move. Wil lifts it in and out of the house as I can't lift 20 lbs. Now I don't know what to send Sandy for Christmas. She is so determined I never fall again, though when I fell no walker was involved.

 After watching Hallmark movies for the season I did decided to put this little tree up. We had trouble getting it out of the box after years I guess it settled in.

I have many more ornaments but am not physically up to it. I don't know if Wil is going to be able to re-pack these. He always had that job. I did put Scott's little mouse under there again. I also have a 3 piece Nativity up.

On the dinning room table is Scott's little tree, no way would I put it on the bay window as Mr.Grey goes from one window to another there. No where to put the plant that is there now. Then in the living room on the stand at the end of the couch is Carissa's Charlie Brown Christmas tree.  Yesterday it was obvious Juan didn't know what that was. I remember the year she got it, not the date but the fact she had it up on her mantle.  I'm so glad I found it still boxed in what was once a garage. I don't think she ever put it up again. In fact her big tree was never unboxed and put up. I didn't try to salvage it.

Wil really showed interest when I put the red bows on. He did like the lights (battery operated) once I had them up. At the price of batteries I'm hesitant to have them on often, but lights are one of the main reasons I decided on the tree.

So far Mr. Grey is playing with the little antenna balls under Scott's tree. Think one is missing. Scott would probably get a kick out of him playing with them. All the ornaments on that tree can't be removed. It was a desk top tree Carissa had bought for his office.

Monday I had another type back injection, series of 3 one more to go. Yesterday I did really well, so far today not as much and I have to go buy a tile removal tool so Juan can get new tile in the hallway. Wil and Scott tiled that section and most of the house probably in 1976 when we moved in. For sticky back tile it has lasted well. Still can't figure out how the skid on my walker caught the corner of a couple.

I also need to order some filters for the air conditioning and when I go out for that tool get them.

Our Thanksgiving plates never came as Lydia's mom died. Millie did come in P.M. with a huge dish full.

Sat here long enough so must move.  Thanks for visiting.

I only belong to 3 psp groups now and like here I'm behind in them. Last week I missed almost all of Rev. Valverde's lessons and have them to catch up on. The news groups I subscribe to I'm only skimming the email and then don't read the article. Seeing politics on TV is just enough of late. I'm like Wil now I can drop off to sleep really quick, of course reruns will do that.

5 a.m. I got busy assembling stuff for crock pot roast for supper. Spectrum showed up at dinner time and it's a good thing, we could not open the new mayo jar. He did it for me. Then I got Wil his chicken salad sandwich and potato chips for lunch. He didn't want a second sandwich so here it is 2 p.m. and I find him digging into the container of coleslaw!  I fussed at him and he put it back and got out of the kitchen. I've had to hide my breakfast bread because one day I found less bread so glad the sandwiches were not on that days menu. I just now made him a cup of coffee.

This week I have to call the IRS after Carissa got a letter here. I sent them a copy of her death certificate back in April. I only know that date now because they mention an "inquiry" from her then. I also paid her bill in full and they mention it takes them 60 days to process and it is well past 60 days. Going to be an interesting call but I doubt I get the woman that signed the letter.

My next concern is what information I need when I have to hire someone to do OUR taxes.

I'm progressing with walking in my house but catch myself limping when I'm not using the walker or a wall.  I've been dismissed from PT as has Wil. All he did was walk with the therapist and one day he walked with me. If I ever get him to do that again I will be surprised.

Finally a VA social worker called me. She is to put in a request for a psch/neuro appt. to see what they can determine about his dementia. She was determined it is illegal for him to sign anything and even wanted the name of the lawyer that allowed it. She didn't get it. She checked his record with the clinic and not a darned soul made any mention of dementia!  No wonder when I fell Kate could get no where with them!

This week on Thursday I see the surgeon and get an Xray. I am driving with permission once he learned I could walk 2 blocks. In other words down our street and back is 2. Slow going coming back. lol Then the following week I think it is I get another epidural to help with the 'severe' spinal stenosis. (doctor says severe) Had the first, think it has helped some, got one good night of sleep.

I'm debating about any Christmas decorations this year. Lydia has said they are making us a plate for Thanksgiving. Millie thought maybe we could join her family but I don't know how Wil would react with strange house and strangers. Thinking of holiday just makes me sad.  I don't know that I will send any cards this year either. If someone doesn't know we lost Carissa that will be a shock and maybe make them feel sad. I know how I felt when I learned sister Pat died last Nov. and Michael never told anyone. I just signed the second release so maybe now he can get her estate settled. I still can't believe the courts of Ohio would not let him because he lives in PA.  I have yet to write him as I've no way of knowing if he would accept it or send it back unopened like they did the card for Christmas I sent them after mom died.

Babbled on enough. Hope all reading are well.

I thought I was prepared, but you really can't prepare and I knew that. Carissa's Sparkle had cancer behind her eye. I did not pay the $980 for a biopsy and wait 5 to 7 days. They knew what they were looking at. They offered to load her up with pain medicine and bring her back so I could say goodbye. I couldn't do that. She will be cremated and her ashes returned to me for burial. 

While I won't have cards from daughter I did get cards from friends. Even an anniversary card for us. The card from Kate made me laugh so hard as it was cats meowing the song.

So what have I done today? A call to Barclay Bank. Apparently AARP picked them instead of Chase for their credit cards. We got no notice and they have not even sent a bill but dunned me with late charges.  I don't want a card for them, Wil can't use one either, so when they are paid I will not use their card they will send him. I just put a copy of the durable power of attorney in the mail so when the time comes I can close it.  She did say they would waive late fees. We'll see. This was just another something I didn't need. I'm glad I did not renew membership in AARP as well.

It's 10 a.m. Wil just got up. His PT just called and cancelled. I don't know where mine is. Maybe he decided since it is my birthday he would give me a break. It's just another day.

Saw the surgeon Thursday, have to go back in 6 wks. for an Xray and appt. I don't know as I will hire someone to stay with Wil this time.  Last time he didn't eat his cereal, told her he didn't want it but he had a little breakfast bun with his coffee. Then he muddled about in his desk then went and sat in the recliner. The volume was so low on the TV he wouldn't of heard it.

Then Friday we saw the primary who was more concerned as I am thin, 126 lbs. Wil lost weight but doesn't look as fragile as I do. We left there and I had Helen drive us to the credit union so I could get cash. I will pay her to do the floors. Coming home we went to Acadiana were we have not eaten since the pandemic. Prices much higher $35.50 for 3 of us but add in $10 tip that is more than I wish to spend when I can get a hamburger cheaper. I understand they had to raise prices as food costs them more.

These two days wore me out. Saturday I slept half the day sitting in the recliner. I've never done that! Wil didn't wake me at lunch time.  I don't know if he got himself anything to eat or did he sleep too?

Two images for you. Miss Kitty the feral I paid to have spayed, and what is in my femur now.