Like Spring outside, bit windy but nice. Left Wil to fill 2 bird baths and I suppose I will have to go see what he is doing now. Had a heck of a time convincing him which pair of his shoes were the old ones. Easy with Velcro straps as the new ones are still clean.

Got him scheduled to see if he can get new hearing aids, and ones that go over the ear like mine. Don't know if we can succeed but will try 21 Feb with Audiology appt. I got the old aid in his right ear yesterday but not today. He developed an infection in that ear last month I didn't know about until I managed to get him in and they pulled out tons of wax. This is the ear he had surgery in years ago.

Next week I have a neck MRI and right shoulder X ray. I'm sure they will find plenty of arthritis, got that bad in my right hand I think. One knuckle I've managed to hit so many times and by the end of the day I get lotion that I bought for my back, and put it on that hand.

Then I have to spend 2 hrs. Wednesday getting iron infusion. I'm anemic again and she also wants me to have a colonoscopy. But if bleeds are usually in the small intestine how will they know as a colon exam doesn't go that far. If you figured I don't want it right you are.  Years ago I even swallowed a camera and they found nothing. I see her again in April so I best have my mind made up by then.

Back door opened according to the Brinks pad. Figured Wil came in, then again it alerted I best go see. He's in but he has a bad habit of opening that door. Time for me to lock it and take the key out of the dead bolt.  Instead I made him a bagel.

I saw Missy but hope Mr. Grey is sleeping in his penthouse.

Start the new year missing my original wedding band. If it dropped on the floor it isn't in that room. I moved both file cabinets and the cupboard holding prescriptions. I used a tooth brush and knife on the track of closet doors as well. Evelyn insisted she would come back tomorrow and help look. I forgot Vikki is to come back tomorrow and help me put Christmas stuff away. I still have the engagement ring and can't believe if Missy saw it she would of picked it up. That would mean search garage which will require a flashlight and broom.

Great now the front door open. Can't set at the computer any more unless he is in bed.

I can't believe I've written nothing since Thanksgiving. If ever you wonder where I am just go to my FB page. I was going to give the link and for some reason it shows facebook.com instead of the url.

My life is revolving around ear appointments for Wil, he got an infection and never indicated pain,. Of course the VA doesn't make it easy to get seen, has to go let a nurse look in the ear and send a consult. Then wait. Add to his appt. I have been referred to a hematologist at TX Oncology due to anemia. Last bout of that years ago they did the iron IV's and I've been fine. Now my primary wants them to see what they can find. Years ago gastroentologist could find nothing, even after I swallowed a camera. I told her it runs in my family, mom, sister, daughter. This week I am scheduled for labs at 8:30 and Ultra Sound 9:15 and I have to drag Wil along as I have no one to stay with him.

Currently I get 2 respite a month and I've done 1 and scheduled one for the 30th. I am not driving other than quick run for prescription cat food and medicine. That means I have to find a driver as well. I asked if they could let Evelyn come for respite instead of shweer/shave one day. No was the answer.

Our church has set up a group to drive seniors and of course they don't have enough drivers so I've no idea how long that is going to last. It has been suggested I take Uber but that will become a waiting experience plus at least $15 one way. Taxi's are way out of cost here. I've no neighbors as they all work.

Last week pain management ordered an Xray on my right shoulder and an MRI on my neck. Perhaps I can luck out and get them the same day in January. Oh wait, must check follow up date for results sometime in Jan. I will have to get the VA to give him more respite days and I don't see them with him until January. If only I could trust my feet and car. I can't even get it into the dealer as they no longer give rides home. I've had it in the garage up the street but they can't find why it stalls, long waits. They think a vacuum leak but they can't find it.

A friend came and helped me get Nativity scenes in the barrister bookcase, out of Missy's reach. Then she put things on the top shelf in my coloring room and Scott's tree on a taller cabinet there and dad's wooden tree with Carissa's ornaments on it on top of the file cabinet. Last week I found a string of small lights and draped them in front of the tv. Oh and I put some of the silver balls in a bowl on the table, so far so good. I taped a table cloth, plastic, there so no edges would hang for cats to play behind. Mr.Grey never bothered table cloths or curtains until Missy joined our house.  Right now she is laying on the chair beside me so she is really getting comfortable around me. Both run for the garage when someone comes to the door.

Vikki made stuffed peppers for Wil (and I) one day and Millie brought in meals she made before she leaves at Christmas. She also brought us something after Thanksgiving and she is a wonderful cook and I love her cranberries. Wil even ate some cause I didn't tell him what they were. She brought homemade cranberry salsa last week. He ate it one time but didn't yesterday. That's the way he is, eat something once but not the next time. He opened a choc pudding and put it back in the refrigerator and refused to finish it. A day later I put it in a cup and handed it to him with his lunch, he ate it.

Tony and Lydia no longer come over or call since they became Grandparents. I need to change her from contact forms. But then who would I use? Church friends are busy or on vacation.

Got a laugh last week, a check came into the estate of Carissa...$4.00 need to find it now to get it in the account. Insurance she saved not driving. Strange..

Also sister Pat's account settled and checks to brother Mike and I. That's in Savings now.

I bought some banana bread and an apple pie for tomorrow. If I feel OK I will bake the last pieces of fish for lunch.  I was doing pretty good this morning until I decided to sit back down and pedal as I missed 2 wks. Mistake.

Missy is sitting on the windowsill listening to the Ocean sound cd I have in. She doesn't know what to make of it, at least she isn't walking across the top of the desk yet. Imagine she spent some time watching squirrels out the window as I bought some squirrel food since I can't get to the feed store for corn cobs to hang. All the little birds were back too and I saw a couple doves. I so miss feeding birds but we still have stray cats running around. In fact yesterday Wil spotted a big one I've never seen, tiger with a white chest. Have some squirrel food back on that table but don't think anyone has found it.

Our city has decided to switch solid waste routes. Of course the new drivers apparently don't know I have handicap permission to come on my property to get my bins. One day last week I chased a driver down as I hobbled along with my cane causing severe pain in my back and legs. He was a relief driver as ours was behind. When he got to our bin it was empty!  Betting the guy that picked up our green barrel threw the trash in with it, a big no no.

Another day at 5 pm I went out and got my mail as I had a check in it and the mail person had not been around. As I sat an ate I saw the truck going down the neighbor's street, grabbed my cane and my letter and waited for her to arrive. I'm to old for this stuff.

After the holiday I have to check with Pacific Life to see if they got the mail I returned to them to get Wil's retirement deposited in our checking account. I wrote down the date I sent it but forgot to write how I proved our old account since I shredded all the checks after we closed the account. I've just got to start writing things down, at 83 some of my tacks aren't so sharp any more.

Wil came back here a couple days when I had music cd's and sat and listened, even tapping his toe some. Today I found he was in my closet, apparently looking for his slippers and not only had he dragged my slippers out he took ONE of my shoes and put it all under the chair. Then he found his slippers and housecoat and waited for Evelyn while he had breakfast.  I wish he would stumble across Carissa's purse I can't find.

No other news, we just truck along. Thanks for visiting.

Last week that happened. I didn't know what to do, if I ever did obviously I forgot, just turn the computer OFF! No I called the listed number spent hours watching them control my system and explain what they were looking for and one screen even showed the IP's trying to get in! Russia popped up a couple times. I ended up signing a contract I have no copy of, writing a check for 2 yrs. service from them at $299.

Once I gave their url to Hairy she immediately let me know stop payment on the check a scam. (she's in Australia no less) Did that online and next day grabbed Wil and headed to the Credit Union around 10 a.m. to close the checking account and as the Saving acct. number close it was also closed. A frantic email went to my computer guy. In a couple days he came and picked up my computer! A day later he called to let me know what they did was fake! 

I sat at home Sunday shredding two batches of checks as I had accidently over ordered. Then I started working on the utility auto pays.  Just today I finished those. Or think I got them all. Early Thursday I had called the folks with Wil's retirement pay and got necessary cover sheet with the form in to them.  I now have to get our doctor to make a diagnosis on him and with that and the power of attorney send that off so I can officially handle that account. Next came retirement from Sea World and they have to send their form.  Today I talked to the VA for his disability and had to get him up to tell the woman it was OK for me to handle it. That's done.  On to Social Security and she told me how to handle that online which I did for him, not mine yet.  It will be next year before his money will flow back into the new account at the credit union.  Thankfully we have enough money right now for groceries.

I have never felt so stupid but everyone I have talked to has assured me I'm not alone. These scammers are in Florida and when done should I let FL atty general know?  Nah when I'm done I'm done.

4:30 and now it is time to decide what to do for supper. Sandwiches. Putting off groceries until after tomorrow's doctor visit.  Then without having to find someone to drive us or me for awhile. I did drive to PetSmart for that expensive cat food.  See another company has some, put in a call to vet haven't heard back yet.

I'm here to look up some recipes for hamburger as I'm tired of the 2 things I do with it. Meatloaf and goulash dish. I ordered macaroni and they only seem to have small ones. I like large macaroni. So off I went to look and got the same page with links to blocked pages. Finally found one with  a recipe and I don't have the ingredients! I don't keep taco shells on hand. It's going to take me longer to find a recipe and I know the old Betty Crocker cookbook is not going to have a quick one.

Spent time watching TV even though I couldn't find the show I wanted and Home ...forgot the last name... is reruns. Of course I dozed off for some of it. My nose is stuffy but I won't take Mucinex for it as it has been no help and I haven't gone off to get more Sudafed. Right now I'm not driving. I went to the Credit Union yesterday and came home and called the schedule person for the church.

I keep trying to figure out if I just quit driving how I will get to the credit union for cash, how I will get to PetSmart for that RX cat food. Need to research to see if I can get cat food by mail and how I will get the prescription for him renewed.  I can call the vet to send me a new Rx I imagine.

Had to cancel PT yesterday and next week I have an appt. with pain management and will have to tell nurse Practionier that the ingrown toenail knocked a day out. I could go see if I can use the peddler today.

Wil missed peddler yesterday too and is dozing on the couch at the moment.

My posting is going to get even more boring only getting out to Dr. offices.

Our 62 anniv. is next Saturday. My birthday is Tues.

Today while filling a form for the Gastroentnology (that is correct spelling)I found in my history that I have a Schatzki ring in the esophagus. No one ever told me that. I forget the word for the spasms I can get that and bring food back instead of taking it down. I knew I had that. I take medicine for Gastric Reflux and have for years.  Making all this worse would be anxiety which I have trying to care for Wil.

Next week I go to have that tube shoved down my throat and after a few days of a sore throat hopefully I can swallow normally again. Had it done a couple times, last time the Dr. found a web. Never found out what that meant as he didn't have me come for a follow up. He was getting ready to retire.

Supervisor for the City Solid Waste Dept. called me as he saw the form my Dr. signed that I have a permanent disability. I choked up and almost started to cry. I told him that is something I have not really accepted yet. Of course the news was on and the fact the Queen had died was also affecting my emotions. Add to all that was this morning trying to accomplish some outside things. I got Wil out to help with it but he was having trouble understanding that I could get the hose to the driveway to rinse the dirt off the siding.  The humidity out there was getting to me so I came in with him and sat down with a cold drink of water.

After lunch PT showed up. I figured I had the wrong day, I did. She is a big help and glad to hear today the neuropathy in my legs and feet was not there. We worked at the sink in the kitchen for my thing to hold on while I marched. Then the knee bends were hard as I can't get the backside to do what it should. As she finished up and I stood up so she could see why I can't stand long, I learned to use my toes and lean slightly forward. Believe it or not that works. Before my weight was on my heels without me realizing it.  I hope my new shoes let me feel my feet better than these.

Need to get going I want to order a peddle thing from Amazon. She said she would put it together if it needed it when she comes next week.

Wil's breakfast and pills done and I changed shoes and headed for WalMart. But first it is up to the Credit Union for some cash, then gas the car and head on.  Tucked the withdrawal in the glove box after remembering it was in my purse and people do snatch purses in stores. Unlock and put it in glove box. Start off again. After getting some donuts and cup of cheese cakes found the way for ham hocks. Huge of course and no idea how I'm going to do this crock pot recipe. Will think about it tomorrow.  Mask on the whole time.

Found my way at home, only half what I bought!  Tried to call them, forget it. Changed my shoes and off I went. 83 humid degrees. The clerk had taken them to Customer Service. There was no walker and an employee went and grabbed a chair while he finished finding the few groceries. I had picked the bag up on top of the bag thing and not see the bag below.  I was to busy while she was bagging checking my cash. No mask this time.

Slight break in writing, went and took a nap. lol

This morning Wil was really confused. Wanted to know if his mom was coming.  The other night when I locked the door he asked how she would get in. Today I did tell him his mom had never been here in TX. He seemed satisfied with that.

As I left for the store I asked him to put the laundry in the washer. He came and asked me what I told him to do. Told him again.  The hamper was still sitting there when I got home. He can't even remember in a short time span now. I just did that to see if he could remember, he couldn't. Later when I was resting I ask him to bring me my purse, told him where it would be. Table or the side bar. Took him forever looking. He can't see things right in front of him either. In this case it was the instructions were to much for him to remember I think.

Just trying to figure out if I should leave him alone or not. He was fine for this mornings run but for a doctors appt. for me I doubt it. Especially when it is a doctor that runs late.  I'm still looking for a driver due to the long distance. Trying to keep trips short and just around here. Dr. Mireas said the problems I'm having with concrete feet are coming from my back, not diabetes.

News on the feral Miss Kitty. She seems to be adapting well inside. She and Mr.Grey play a lot and sometimes rough. She might weigh 5 lbs. to his 11 lbs.  She rubs against my hand when I put food down and will even lick my hand. When she stretches by me she expects petted. I picked her up only once, put her right back down, she also has claws.  Wil watches them but makes no attempt to pet her.  He still calls Mr. Grey a black cat. That's understandable as at night he looks black.

7:35 pm  sign off.  102 degrees today.

Wil was getting his shoes on to go fill bird baths out back while I was pulling Monday trash bin to the front yard. By the time I got back in I didn't see him and came back to the office. Shortly after my alarm alerts back door open. I hollered I'm back here. Heard it open again. Now the cats are in the garage in the afternoon so I got out to see what he was doing. He apparently didn't know why he was out there so no water in bird baths. I told him to go watch TV I didn't want cats out. So he is.

The day has been better than yesterday when my coccyx would not let me sit. Walking is still painful though. That is the day was better until the phone rang.  A friend of Evelyn's I guess. Evelyn is the woman that assists Wil with shower and shave and works sometimes the Respite Care spot.  I also pay her on her day off to do my floors and make that bed.

This stranger has a large room we could move in to. What the heck!  Evelyn was here the day May brought me home crying after a doctor's appt. She knew it was because May told me we needed to go into assisted living.  She heard me ranting about it. She heard me say NO way. Why would she talk to this lady about this?  I'll have to ask her Wednesday, this is not a matter for a phone call.

I know people are concerned because my health is not the best and we have no family now. Just how do they think I could liquidate this 3 bedroom home by myself?  I'm not able to drive far now so how would I find a place?  I will not give up the cats, they are comfort to me and the little feral loves curtains. Working on her about furniture now.

These facilities start at $3500 a month, add your tv, internet, phone and anything else you need. If Wil's dementia went down hill and he did not adapt I would be paying two places as I sat alone in assisted living.

Wil is fed, his clothes cleaned, his medications dispensed and for the most part he seems happy. He still picks on me when others are around. It is hard to communicate with him as he can't hear even if I manage to get him to put the one hearing aid in. His quiet voice has become so soft you can hardly hear him and the dementia has taken words out of his mouth as he tries to communicate some times.

I wear my pendant on getting up and until bedtime. The new one in by the bathtub would allow Brinks to open the front door for help should I fall.  Yes I still fall when least expected, once this month. I'm using my walker more in the house than I was. At night bathroom trips are still wall walking. lol  I do know this house is so full of furniture a wheel chair would be impossible. With the torn rotator cuff I doubt I could use one any way.

It isn't that I've not given things a thought. May said when Wil dies she just knows I'll stay here. So why the hell bring it up?

Not many people reading Michel and I seem to run out of time most days. 6:30 p.m. and I'm just getting back here to finish emails.

Today was a hard day for me. Didn't get a good nights sleep as I didn't take pain meds at bedtime. I couldn't as 3 p.m. yesterday sitting here my back and legs pitched a holy fit and I had to take one then.  I wasn't going to stay up until 11 p.m. to take a bed time pill. I'm tired by 9:30, give Wil is bedtime meds, freshen kitty litter, bathroom stuff and follow Wil as he goes to bed. I usually have to help him get his night undies on as he won't wear pajama's so I bought him colored undies for bed.

So up at 1 a.m. on ice pack in recliner. Took meds at 5 a.m. got cats their breakfast shortly after, took care of litter and went back to the heating pad in the recliner. Got a little sleep until 6 a.m. When Evelyn came in at 9:20 a.m. I had already given Wil his breakfast and his pills.  I still hurt some but picked up the new CPAP I was donating to his doctor since he doesn't need it any more.  Both feet and half way up my legs that tingly feeling I often have, neuropathy.

Things were OK until I got to the first long light. Back and leg aggravated so I put the car in park and foot on the floor. As the light changes back in drive and off I go until the next long light. All this time I have the heat on my back from my heated seat.  By the time I was another long light I was feeling pain and my foot really hurt so I was trying to figure out who I could call to come get me with someone along to drive my car home.

I pulled up and called Gary to come get the machine and called Kate. She couldn't come and by then tears had started. May was at the hospital with a friend having surgery so she was out. Gary is at the window watching me struggle to get some composure. So I called Millie. Knowles had just left but she would come get me and he could come for my car, except I'm in a red zone and the car can't be standing there as it would be considered abandoned.

Gary had me move over and he drove me into his spot in the parking garage. I did not have my walker as I didn't expect to get out, only had my cane. He went and got a wheel chair as I called Millie to tell her I'd be out front in a wheelchair.  The Dr. came out to see is I was OK.

Gary stayed inside with me in the air conditioning as I called Millie to find out what her car was I forgot.  They got me in the car but my mind wasn't working as I didn't tell Millie she needed to turn at the light. I eventually got us back my way.   I had pain med at 4, aspirin at 8 and slowly the back pain eased.  I had called and Evelyn would stay with Wil until I got home.

Another pain pill at noon, more ice pack, feet up and I've been using the walker since in the house. Until....supper, I have indigestion. I fed Wil potato salad, coleslaw, 2 slices spam, V8 juice. (now 7 p.m. his nose is in the refrigerator looking for something to eat). All of a sudden he won't eat chocolate pudding and that is about all I have. Can of peaches go on cereal after bananas are gone and I'm not opening a whole can.

Earlier I ask him to go get the flag. He said he already did, I opened the door, nope on the pole. He got pissed and said someone must of come in and put it back up. So I got my cane and went out and got it. Locked the door, set the one alarm. If his mind has skipped town can't leave the house un secure in triple digit heat.

Just now Miss Kitty came in. Went to go feed her, her bowl is missing. Mr. Grey's bowl found its way to the kitchen off the little tray. ?? Ask Wil if he had seen it when I showed him what the bowl looks like. He got  up and kind of looked around.  I can't imagine Miss Kitty dragging a food bowl to the garage like she dragged my resin breast cancer awareness mouse.

Perhaps it is time for me to take tranquilizers.

I contacted our probate atty as I thought I needed a guardian for Wil if I died. Boy am I embarrassed. I would of been better off re-reading his legal papers because Wil's durable power of attorney I knew named me but didn't realize it allows for whoever his 'agent' is if I die.  sigh..

I'm trying so hard to be sure no stone is unturned and my mind has just gone off track. I'm having more difficult days with him and didn't even think about it after. I have kept a journal on the computer so I could print out anything for his doctor but until I read over it last night I didn't realize how many times he has gotten mad. Seems sundowner times. My friend said he is not being 'childish' as I said it is the dementia. He just doesn't realize it and she is afraid he may strike out at me. That never occurred to me as he has been a gentle soul.

As I re-read I realized I have been in the mode victims of domestic violence, I have blamed myself when he got mad, I sometimes didn't know why he got mad and often I blamed myself as the trigger. Which I have been at times, you just don't argue. When he hits denial I may as well not say "well we are the only two here and I didn't put that in your drawer". Reference my french fries the other day that he took off the kitchen stove and put it in his desk drawer.  Last week I found the chicken he didn't finish wrapped in plastic and paper towels in the bottom drawer of the desk. Wouldn't have found it if I wasn't looking for my military ID.

Now that ID is another story. I went to take him for a hair cut and found it gone. I was able to get on base as I had his. I stewed and looked for 2 days thinking he had picked it up as he does. So yesterday my friend Millie and husband came by to look too. Knowles explained the form I was going to have to fill out for a replacement as well. This was really stressing me.

As they prepared to leave Millie opened the coat closet to look in pockets. She found it! My light jacket, and had probably been there since his last hair cut as it hasn't been cold enough for a jacket.

Knowles also found my social security card in my wallet I had just gone over. It was stuck to the back of another card. I took it out and put it back in the glass barrel it had been in for years. I figure if anyone stole my wallet I'd have a heck of a time replacing it.  I have Wil's back here with his drivers license and house keys and car keys I took from him a long time ago. Won't put it in the glass barrel as he might get in that. I have to hide even groceries. Often he can't remember he just ate.

You see why I'm concerned about me? Aging doesn't help memory. Add to that the days I am in pain. I do have someone right now to do my floors a couple times a month. Yet the new kitchen floor drives me nuts and I try to sweep and use the Swiffer mop on it and bathroom in between.

The VA has Wil on Respite care twice a month so I can make my doctor appointments and they also have him weekly for shave and shower assistance. I still haven't driven to a care center they told me about since the one up the street is not satisfactory.  But I seldom go out as I order groceries.

The cowbells on the door did not work so I found someone to install a battery operated alarm I can turn off and on and I leave it off when I'm around the living room etc. I set it in the late afternoon usually.

I still color to relax and come back here to the computer.