April 19, 2024

  • Late tonight but

    Just a note to let those who do come here know I'm OK, groaning older. lol

    Wil requires more attention it seems. Search for a hearing aid the latest, stumble across another I didn't know was out of his ear. Struggle to fix meals he will eat. I hate cooking any way and microwave meals have fallen out of his favor along with soups. Then last week I grabbed the wrong potato salad at Wal Mart.

    In between all of this I gave our couch to Salvation Army. I knocked a glass of water over when I sat down on the recliner and that was the cincher as I struggled to reach under the couch to clean it up. I drink flavored water no idea how it would dry. So Valerie drove me to Lazy Boy way out and I bought one for him to use instead of stacking pillows on the end of the couch. It is to be delivered tomorrow.

    The current one was bought in 2012 and when I compared prices I paid $13 more for the new one. :-) It was the 99 delivery fee. We had a pick up and picked up the old one. lol Of course when I gave this news to him he thought that was a lot of money I paid. He has no way to comprehend it.

    Now yesterday a couple young men came by they were in the neighborhood with a boss inspecting roofs. I saw the images he took up there and we indeed need a new roof. One area over this room the decking is soft so that means water damage. It is the corner of the house that takes a beating during a storm. Thankfully it has not come into this room. So now I will be dealing with another inspector from the insurance company. I don't remember any deductible on the house the last 2 times but it looks like there will be one this time. If I read it right online $1,000.

    Whenever it gets done it will drive the cats nuts.

    Going on 11 I need to get to bed. I don't sleep well, back  and sinus. New doctor on the list, back to a urologist as I have a cystocele now. Lost 2 pessers already and surgery is not going to be a sure fire either I suppose.

    I have filed paperwork for a bed for Wil at the Tejeda VA home. Original plan was if something happened to me. Now when they get a bed he will go. A lot of tears over that.

    Don't know if I'll get an email notice out on this.


February 18, 2024

  • Bad day so far

    Couldn't get to sleep last night. Facing a hard decision about Wil. Then my mind started to wander. So I got up and went and colored until 1. Went back to bed. He was standing in the hall holding himself but he was already wet. Got him out of those into clean then onto the toilet. Then got him back into bed and I'm wide awake with my back aching. I couldn't remember at bedtime if I took a pain pill as I was getting him off to bed.

    I stumbled into the shower as I wanted to catch the minister at 5 a.m. when I also had to feed the cats. They then play as I sit in the recliner on heat enjoying their shenanigan's. Once they quit and I doze off Missy is back wanting to play. So I hold the toy so she can attack it.

    Groceries came at 8 a.m. and that lady wants to help by putting things away. Problem is I have to watch as I'm trying to do that as she was going to put a milk in the freezer which I don't do. Then later I called her as I was missing distilled water. No she put that in the cupboard with the rest.

    Wil got up at 9 a.m. and I put his clothes on the end of the bed and waited and waited for him to get out as my tea was getting cold and I was standing until I sat on his office chair. I finally had to walk back to get him out that room so the business of dentures then hearing aids then pills before I got him ready to eat cereal and drink coffee with 2 small cookies.

    Then I was back to the heating pad and dozed off. Decided I couldn't sit through church, maybe I'll catch that tonight.

    At lunch time I was on ice  pack. I asked him if he wanted some of the grocery company homemade soup we had left yesterday. He says that sounds good. Wasn't enough left for both of us so he got it and his coffee. But he wasn't eating it so I took the coffee away. Didn't matter he wouldn't eat it. So I reheated it got a clean spoon and I ate it. Yes I bitched at him about it. I got him some potato salad and coleslaw. He took one bite. I put it back in the container and gave him his coffee back and walked back here. Grabbed me a muffin and a drink. I usually share a muffin with him but not this time.

    This behavior is just reassuring me in the decision I don't want to take. I need to call tomorrow and make an appt. to go see the place. Kate said she would take me. It's an hour from here so I will have to line up respite care for him too.  It all moved me in this direction after 2 days of his belligerent behavior. His primary doctor ordered meds, they didn't tell me and it will be the 23rd before they even arrive.

    Top it all off I'm trying to get taxes done and the lady said she would send me a link so she could explain it. I waited up Friday and didn't get the link. I have to pay $1,000 again and don't understand why. Last time we had all that estate stuff but that account is closed now. I can't believe $70 interest on one account I put it in and some other small interest rates is the reason.

    Added to the mess is trying to get used to the new liner on my uppers and the pesser on the other end. lol Getting old no fun.

January 19, 2024

  • New Year

    Do I try to keep up?  I have a new paper journal to write in and forgot where I used it last. Just found it this morning when showing the new caregiver the type of razor I use. It was in the coloring room. So I'm 19 days behind.

    Couple days ago I took trash out and didn't notice how cold it was. Had a jacket on. So I tossed clothes in the washer. Mistake, water lines may have been OK but the drain wasn't. Quickly shut the washer off and grabbed an old mattress pad and window drape to stop the river as I grabbed a broom and opened the back door. Knew Missy was in the garage but didn't figure she would come down from the 'penthouse'. She didn't.

    Then the question came do I  start it up again when temp hit 40 degrees outside.  Went out to get the drape but the mattress pad was frozen to the patio. That meant search for something else in case. Got Wil his supper and I sat with a bowl of cereal close to the door. The washer doesn't pick up where it stopped it started all over.  Give me the days you could manually control the washer.

    Lady here for Wil could not shave his upper lip but she gave me the name of a product like the old Nair for women's legs. I will need to go to Wal Mart and look for it, they still haven't delivered part of my last order. Plus they cancelled part of it so I really hate using their online. I'm waiting for a tape to put on furniture to stop cat scratching. To arrive 21st.

    Missy will use the logs but she uses anything she wants too. lol She was in here the other day and I never heard the plant hit the floor. It was the Lucky Bamboo Carissa gave me. I have nothing else to put it in and no where else to set it. Consider it wasn't lucky for me. I have another one Steve gave me one day with fake phalenopsis. Didn't realize that was fake at first, nor did he. Local grocery selling them and you basically are paying for the container. lol  Haven't seen Missy near it.

    Gotta run.


December 19, 2023

  • Tues. afternoon

    Oh what to have for supper?  Today Wil ate his cereal and left the milk. It was an hour before I found it but I drank it anyway. :-) Groceries were delivered today. This lady will not only carry them to the kitchen but put them away as I tell her where. lol Wish I had a choice on shopper but with Shipt you have a list of favorites for them to pick from. Not necessarily the best of them all.

    Wil was here with me but I guess he doesn't like the cd I put in. I told him I'd change it but he went out. His hearing aids are so good I have to turn volume way down or he won't even walk in.

    Our weather is so beautiful today I should of tried to walk but I was without computer for 2 days thanks to Spectrum. Got this email from them:

    Thanks for contacting us concerning your service outage. For an outage to qualify for credit, the outage must last at least four hours.


    Once service has been restored, we will determine whether a credit can be issued and contact you.

    I got news for them if they want to keep our business they darn well better credit.

    So catch up email, still not done. I get daily Bible lessons, then there is Facebook catch up. Not possible.

    I'm going to be able to get to church 'Christmas Eve' at 11 a.m. as the driving group will pick me up and Marcelle will bring me home as we go by Luby's and pick up our dinner, paid for by her and someone else I think.  I hope I don't start crying as the last couple days tears keep showing up. Even watching Justice O'Connor funeral I lost it on the hymn Amazing Grace.

    Emotions kicked up yesterday as I gathered up some things to ship back to Jamestown Historical Society as when I die no one will want them. I didn't mention that to them.  If I ever have to leave my home I am going to be a mess.

    Our Pastor retired after 30 yrs and I had printed out a bunch of his sermons now what to do with them? LOL  I've met the new pastor and his wife and really like them. They got here from Maryland. Of course we are now Global Methodist, not United Methodist. long story.

    Yakked enough, hope you all have a good Christmas and a good New Year.

November 13, 2023

  • Short post

    Not sure if I'll send out any notices. Only 4 people now on the list. One I can contact on FB if I remember her new sign in. My memory is getting worse about names. People I've known for years I struggle to pull up their name. I remember Old Hat but to get him on FB I have to remember his name as James.

    Things are getting tougher here even for me. I struggle to swallow my Janument and this morning it felt like it was caught and apparently it was. By the time I got it back it came with bright blood and what looked like an old clot perhaps as I had not eaten anything brown. Sorry I'm gross. I need to fire off a note to my primary about a substitute perhaps. I have a phone meeting this week with the gastro NP but I'm afraid to continue trying to get those hard caps down and I take them twice a day. I've had a problem swallowing for some time. My last exam they found thrush in my throat.

    Wil has it days, or should I say his nights. Sundowners he starts rearranging things and walking around. 3 days I couldn't find Missy's bowl and I knew it had food in it as I set it up under the can with food to keep Mr. Grey from eating it. But it was gone, looked every where. Found it by opening a decorative tin holding keys. It still had the food in it. I've also lost my handicap placard and I remember laying it by my purse since it wouldn't fit in the purse. We went out for our COVID annual booster right after. If he threw it in the trash I don't know why he would have. To get another would not be easy.  I don't drive much any more and most handicap spaces are taken any way. Our church has a program to help us old folks.  Our bus company requires at least 7 page application some of which the doctor would have to fill and that is for one person.  So if we have an appt. for both that won't work. No I have not tried Uber. They aren't cheap and you can't schedule both trips at one time so we would be sitting around waiting for another driver to take us home.

    A friend came in to help look for the placard and parted with it isn't safe for us here as I hadn't lined up someone to clean my floors. That's her way to say we should be in assisted living. So until I found out if Evelyn was coming back I killed myself trying to sweep and mop the kitchen, long hallway and dinning room. That was dumb of me.  Evelyn had gone to Mexico to see her sister who has bone cancer and it drained her. But Nadia said she would fill in.  Why I let Kate get to me I don't know. She is a lovely lady, a tad bossy and a retired Hospice Nurse. She says I have fallen more than anyone else she knows. I have fallen 4 times this year and the last I was squatting at the cat bowl when I went backward. 4 times is not a lot in a year.

    Time to get Wil up for shower/shave.


October 30, 2023

  • Almost November

    Another year is slipping by. Hit 84 this month. In January Wil hits 86, we just had our 63rd wedding anniv. this month. Nothing special this year. Our 50th was the last cake with daughter. I'm almost tempted this year to put up the big tree even if I don't put any decorations on it. I miss the lights. I suppose Missy cat would try to eat them.  Pretty sure she would go after ornaments.

    20231029_083422 Here she is in one of her favorite spots.  She comes up on the arm of the recliner long enough for me to pet her a tiny bit, she will turn around and come right up to my face and take off. She's still a little feral. My friend came to help get her to the vet and she went wild and scratched her.

    Mr.Grey I got in the carrier by tossing treats in it for a couple weeks. We didn't know what he would do when he got there so vet took him to another room, he was fine. Still weighs 11 lbs and a few oz less than first time there.

    Can't remember when I got them, to lazy to get up and go look at their records. Lost my external drive that had all their pictures. They mean a lot to me and I no longer feed him on the floor as about a week ago I was squatting and fell backwards down the hall. A nasty bruise. I finally went to urgent care up the street with Wil in tow and they insisted I go to ER . I had an abnormal EKG which turned out to be a normal abnormal for someone my age. sigh..

    Wil's dementia has gotten worse but we've been doing fine until last night at bedtime. He became belligerent and I argued with him, I wanted to go to bed. Unfortunately I told him he didn't like it here I could put him in a nursing home. I regret that hopefully he forgot it.

    This morning I fired off a note to the doctor and this afternoon his tech called a prescription was going in and it is more expensive so I may have to pay for it. Now I'm more afraid I don't want to introduce side effects.  I haven't heard from the pharmacy.

August 26, 2023

  • Around 103 degrees

    I forgot how to make the degree symbol. :-) Along with a whole bunch of other things I have forgotten.

    I wish I could find a room darkening shade like we have in all the bedrooms. One problem is knowing how to measure it. In one room Wil had to put in some wooden blocks to mount that one. I want it for the Livingroom. (computer wanted that word with a capital)  Have a cheap thing Juan nailed up for me but I need something to pull almost all the way down in the heat of the day. No curtains now, can't wash them and cats wouldn't leave them alone any way.

    Had carpal tunnel surgery on my right arm.  In 2012 both wrists were done. I guess due to diabetes they are back. The tingling in thumb and index finger has not gone away. If it hasn't by Nov. I don't know if I'll do the other wrist. He ran into so much scar tissue he had to cut into my palm. Until stitches removed I washed dishes one handed. I do have rubber gloves but didn't want to chance getting water in them.

    Getting cramps so don't know if I will get to stay here.

    Not much changes around here. One day I pulled on a diaper to go to the Credit Union and it was a good thing I did. That ended my plans, car didn't get washed until the next day.

    While at the doctors Thursday I got the call the headstones were delivered. Now next week I will try to find out when they are going to 'plant' them. 2 yrs since Carissa died and the little thing I bought from Amazon to put on her grave completely bleached out.  I went to the funeral home behind us to order both of them as I was getting no where with Mission.

    The end of this month we have to drive to the probate attorney again so he can ask Wil if it is ok to redo our Wills. The lady who was to be the executor has just plain disappeared. Jim from our church has agreed. The church will get everything when we are gone. I have to get the new durable power of attorney so I can have an application ready for the VA facility for Wil  should I go first.  I pray I am the last to go.

    I packed up all the stamp collection that he doesn't care about and sent all but one box to Old Hats wife in Flint TX. I still have one to send as I misunderstood him and thought he had ordered it for her. He apologized as he hadn't been to alert for awhile when he was sick. I've known him for years. He used to have a blog.

    I'm packing up my journal that I printed out years ago and Sandy will get that box if she still wants it. Cary wanted Carissa's picture but finally decided it won't fit in his house. He tried to get it in his car but it would not fit. I told him I knew someone with a truck then I learned he didn't want it.

    While talking to our primary about an estate sale he told me unless you have a lot of expensive stuff no one will do it. He had to put his 99 yr. mother in law in assisted living. He said she would be really upset to know what went to Good Will.   So I'm packing up stuff for Disabled Vets one of these days.


June 14, 2023

  • Guilty as charged, behind again

    You can always find me on FB if you go there. Otherwise I'll be floating around the Paint Shop Pro groups but more often than not I'm chasing Missy cat out of here as she wants to scratch on my chair.  She's has learned the logs out by the kitchen are OK to use but as a past feral anything she wants to put her claws in seems to be it.

    I also am spending time trying to get a marker on Carissa's grave and a communal one on ours. When I'm gone their will be no one to do it. I bought a garden type wrought iron stake after giving up on Carissa's 2 yrs ago and discovered TX sun wiped out everything on it!  Last week I drove to the mortuary behind us, ordered and paid for markers. Now I have paperwork to do down at the funeral home that has been content to just bury the kids.  There was something kind of funny last week, I called to ask for the exact number location ours are and was told she couldn't tell me that as I wasn't dead yet.  I heard her correctly!  Then Friday I got hold of the proper person and she said she'd get it straightened out when she called Nina Monday. It's now Wednesday, again no one has called me back.

    Adding to all this horror, the lady signed on our Will's as executor has disappeared! Even if I could find her I want her replaced! I must see to all of this before something happens to me.

    Otherwise Mary Wil and I are fine. I need to send you our phone number through email.


April 5, 2023

  • Behind again

    I can't believe I haven't written since Feb. It's a wonder I have anyone that visits. If I'm not busy I don't feel I have much of interest to write about. I started this entry this morning. I just now helped Wil get to bed at 9 pm.

    aids This is what I started to write about and got sidetracked...all day it seems.

    These are Wil's very expensive hearing aids I found in the bathroom trash Monday. Of course I spent about an hour looking for them and crying. We just got them and I've worked hard to get them in and keep them in all day.

    The audiologist was less than helpful and never mentioned the on off feature. I read the manual but figured it out because I wear aids by the same company. The little switch on his is more difficult than mine. I was showed where the filter is on his and in fact he showed me mine. Which Costco never bothered with as we are told to come back about a month and they would do it.

    His audiologist was so proud of the smart charger, plop them in and simply take them out and put them in. As near as I can figure they come out on. Well his chattered I call it so I had to find the off and on. Plus when I put them in his ear he said it hurt. I think he is just touchy about his ears.

    You can't just call for advice you have to make an appt. His isn't until the 20th. Do I recharge them and hope they don't make noise that will make him throw them away again?  One of the big disadvantages of not wearing them is not in getting use to them. He also complained the TV was too loud and would hold his ears and leave the room. I don't think they were set right. Or is the dementia making him extra sensitive?

    Evelyn that does his shower/shave twice a week says he has gotten sensitive when she cleans between his toes. That is new. She says he is touchy about water on his face now. Something I will ask our primary about when we see him the 21st. If I remember, so I best start a list. :-)

    Our bluebonnets this year has been my bright spot. There aren't as many in the usual area by the mail box. Apparently last year their seeds got blown hither and yon. The neighbors are enjoying the ones in their spot. The yard man will be happy when they go to seed as they have to mow around them in the main yard along the edge and the ones they spot popped up out a bit. I let them weedwack by my car as I can't step over to get in the car the few times I go any where. At present I have to get a ride out of the neighborhood. Two reasons, diabetic neuropathy in feet and the car will stall on me at lights. I don't think it is idling right and can't figure out how I would take it to the dealer as I can't leave Wil alone. Not sure how he would react at the dealers for a long wait to get it taken care of. Plus they won't accept checks any more and I don't put large amounts on a credit card for it. And I know it would be a large amount. Car is 11 yrs. old I think.

    You would be proud I got our taxes done this year without having to leave the house. Plus the IRS paid because I closed Carissa's Fidelity account without having them do it. So next tax season I may not get anything back but they still owe me on Carissa's account. Probably won't see that either. Yes I filled out a form and sent it certified mail but nothing has shown up. When she died I paid what she owed them after she had taken money from her 401 when she lost her job. Maybe they are searching her record. I know I didn't have to pay hers but they owe me now. lol

    Time for me to wrap up the day. Wonder if I remember how to send this?


February 14, 2023

  • Time goes on

    A new month that doesn't look any greater than last month. lol  I thought I'd get buy without anything medical but my dentures are driving me nuts. My dentist isn't in every day, think he is getting ready to retire. I can't say I have a lot of confidence in him after he made my plate worse. I can't wear it and eat unless I've a fixative that by nigh time usually has pretty much given up. Where does it go for Pete's sake? I still have to scrub some out at bed time.

    So what did I do yesterday? Called my friend Keith for a recommendation on a dentist. A few years ago he had extensive work done when cancer settled in his jaw. I've an appt. for tomorrow and have not heard from respite care so Wil is going to have to go along. I know it is not going to be cheap but I want a new denture made, I'm not interested in lining it, paying for that and then still having to have a new denture.

    The other fun news my external drive gave out and I have no idea my password. Tim managed to find when in 2016 I installed it and the clue was 'parent' but it didn't recognize either parents name. I told him if he could erase it to do so and junk it. Not going to mess with such a drive again. This is the second one to give up. If I'm remembering correctly of course.  I'll just have to hope I have enough room on my hard drive. Should be dumping a lot of stuff there any way. Like all the sky photo's. :-)   I've already made new folders for the utility and credit card bills paid.

    This month Wil has an appt. with the audiology dr. I don't know if they can do an ear test on him now. I hope I can get him some new hearing aids like my over the ear type. But that doesn't mean he will let me put them in. He won't let me try to get his one in let alone his right ear. I just wish they could test him the same day as that will mean finding a ride again.

    The last two nights he has been going to bed way early. I don't try and dissuade him. He sleeps all night as a rule. Couple bathroom trips sometimes. He's probably sleeping right now, I turned to a program he might watch but didn't turn the volume up for him. I should ask if he wants to go out and walk a little with me but it is pretty windy. I'd have to put slacks back on. To get to 80 tomorrow.  He went out yesterday and filled bird baths in the back yard.  Last night I found him walking around patting things. He'd lost his change purse. He left it under his pillow when he got up so he went all day without it. I gave it to him and he said he had others too. He doesn't. That seemed to be all he needed was the one though. Thank heavens!

    I don't bother to show him my colorings any more. I don't think he is seeing well at all and I try to keep his glasses clean.

    I didn't order pudding cups this time as he will eat more than 1 and I want to see if giving him a pop tart now and again he won't go looking for something to eat. He often doesn't remember he ate. I still think boredom at night has a lot to do with his wanting something to eat. One day he had 3 hotdogs, 2 puddings , a little choc thing and a cup of coffee. Very shortly after he was out looking for something to eat. Price of food makes it hard.

    An up side for me is how little Missy is accepting me more and sometimes she is asleep here on the bookcase or the chair while I'm online. If she is awake I get to either spin the chair so she can't scratch the back or get up and follow her to her bowl. They both now are getting clever about not eating the less expensive dry food. drat...

    Sunday a friend will pick me up, Tony and Lydia will stay with Wil while I go to church to cast my ballot on disenfranchising form the Methodist church. I hate this but since so many have taken over the clergy and churches and no longer abide by the book of discipline so many want to break away. I was raised a Methodist even before it became the United Methodist.