Cary picked us up this morning so we could go to the cemetery. Wil was ready and seemed OK with it but not long after we got there he was ready to come home. I had put him to cut some sprouts growing from the crepe myrtle but he started picking up sticks and of course his hand got full. When I tried to point to the trash basket by the road, he couldn't see it apparently. He walked down to the road and laid them by a tree. Seemed all the trash baskets were full today. Plus they left dirt on the 'neighbors' grave from digging Carissa's. I know they left it so as the ground settled they could refill.

When they inverted the vase on Scott's grave they took the artificial flowers and the insert. They also chipped the base of the vase. Lucky for me I had an extra insert after the time someone stole Scott's flowers along with the insert.  Don't remember how I got it. Without it you can't add water with the flowers easily.

I want to call Mary next week and see if there is a small marker we could put by the vase with Carissa's name on it. At that time I will ask if they will replace the damaged vase. Yeah sure.  Of course I will suggested they clean up the dry dirt.

When we got home I showed Cary the two big pictures of Carissa's. Told him he could have them if he wanted them. Also showed in him the box with my journals that we had been talking about. He agreed with Sandy and didn't think I should throw them away.

While we were visiting Wil was watching his car out front. I thought he was unsettled because the mail box is right close by.  Turns out he thought someone was in the car. He said he saw it go down the street and come back. This is the first time he has 'seen' something that didn't happen. It could of been someone pulled in next door and left.

So I must start driving myself to the cemetery, but I'm not sure about leaving Wil home alone. That's something concerning me about getting Carissa's car to the dealership. That is a long way away and turning it over and signing the title and getting the money will not be a quick trip.  Alice has been talking to them about coming here. They wanted to know whose name is on the title. I think it would  have to be Carissa's.  She bought the car. Whatever, but I'll know when it gets here. I will lose money if it doesn't come soon as blue book will be changing in a couple weeks.  I want to have Tony drive me to Car Max which is closer and gave us above blue book on Wil's truck.  Problem again who would come stay with Wil?

When the car is gone I will have to find out when Disabled Vets can do a pick up and get someone to help me bet the items I salvaged from her house.  Then I need to get to the VA and get information about places Wil could go if I die first.  Last will be getting our Will's changed.

Her house is sold, should close July 6 if not before.

Realtor learned we can by pass probate by using the Title company. A copy of my power of attorney, death certificate, Wil's renunciation, her Will and their form filled in and signed by pastor and his wife. I chose them instead of neighbors but it was kinda strange as they knew Carissa but they knew nothing about her first 2 husbands aka Rat 1 and Rat 2. I know that makes no sense to you but she had drawn up goal information in 2017 and that is how they were listed.  The standard form was not great in her case as there is no family member to sign that is not an heir.

I had to ask her best friend the last name of Rat 2 as my mind just could not remember it. There was no sense looking for a photo with him in it as I cut him out of every photo I had.  Guess I took that as hard as she did.  Just did a google search, title company should have no problem, for me I would have to pay.

I should be doing housework but since my back has settled down some I don't want to stir it up. By 6:30 a.m. today I had the crock pot going for lunch. When I served up Wil's plate I had to take carrots out. I have no idea how it tasted and didn't bother to ask. He left a little smidgen of potato on his plate as he didn't know what it was even though I told him.  So now it is put dinner in the frig and wash dishes.

This morning I found tiny and I mean tiny ants in the cat bowls. The other day I found them on a piece of food I laid for Mr. Grey on the windowsill and he didn't eat it. Years and years ago we had an exterminator for sugar ants which were very small as I recall.  I should look for outside spray and go around the house. Again not today.  I leave the cats dry food at night. I suppose if I don't they will wake me up for some or fuss when I'm up to the bathroom.

T mobile has finally closed her account. Tina hasn't called me but I know she took Carissa's sim card out and put her own in the phone. That means she is using what was a leased phone without paying a thing.  Since it wasn't a phone I could sell she won't be paying me for it I suppose. I got one free floor clean out of her for the furniture she took.  Nothing yet for the electronics.

I've gone back to coloring again, when Sparkle is napping any way.

Oh the insurance company paid for the car but I won't get a title until after probate. I looked up the blue book on it. 2018 Chrysler 300 4 d with 1085 miles and was about floored. Doesn't help me figure out what to ask for it as there are some low scratches on the bumper. Story I had heard was someone hit her in a parking lot and I doubt that very seriously from the looks of the scrapes.

I talked with the Worship Minister yesterday and ask him to consider being a beneficiary if I die first. That afternoon I got a call from the VA social worker and he said they have teams to handle such if that happens. Wil can't live alone if I'm gone and round the clock care here would be prohibitive. So I let him know just as I told him the pastors wife can get into our safe deposit box for a Will. I hope he agrees after much prayer I suppose. I told him if I am the last to go the church gets everything.   So he knows I am trying to get my ducks in a row.

Check went out today to pay the funeral. Also sent some photo's to her best friend. I've another friend that would like to have my journals so I won't destroy them.  I will check with the library to see if they take books. They used to for sales but since the pandemic who knows.

Guess the part for my car didn't come in, haven't heard from them.

Bexar County (that's pronounced bear) has only two probate courts. Can't figure out why they never got more as the city alone is a million people. 2.004 million 2019 in the county.  1380 have died from covid.

Wil and I went to Carissa's house yesterday and I picked up her mail from the neighbor and Wil wrapped up the garden hose and we brought it home. He didn't want to go in the house and that's fine. As we drove up he didn't know whose house it was. I tell him when probate is done it will be our house to sell but I don't think he grasps that. I don't plan on going back.

The young man still wants the house but for a tad less and that is OK too. Alice thought I should have the title changed to me but Joel the attorney said it would be cheaper just to leave me as executor to sell it.  The deed has both our names on it and he said that doesn't matter, I will have the right to sell it. Not sure how the realtor is going to handle it, I can't sign anything yet.

Now with some quiet time and when my back lets me I can get to doing some things around here like dusting. Today I got potting soil from Wal Mart and repotted the funeral plant. 4 kinds in one little pot. Last thing I really need is house plants. I have 3 succulents from the big pot Carissa once gave us.  Picked up one Mr.Grey managed to knock over once.

I've moved some insulators outside. Have some more to put out, they are put away and no sense leaving them there as at least I can see them outside and the cats can't break them.

Talked to SWBC insurance and they don't need any more information from me. The lady had to assign a number and it should get through the system in a week or week and a half.  Think they will pay but I did make a payment on the loan and hopefully I don't need to pay another.

I've not heard from T Mobile and don't know yet if they closed her account. Need to call them tomorrow after I check.

Finally heard from the funeral director. The outrageous bill is probably due to the trust not paying the cremation fee that we paid 11 yrs. ago. She is sending me what we never had walking out the day we set up the funeral. We owe $3,100 on that not $7,000. I've no idea why they would send a bill when a trust is to pay.

Also heard on her life insurance from work and they will be sending that amount in about 10 days.  I filled out a form from Fidelity and I've no idea what that will bring. She had a 401 and Troy said she has been buying company stocks.  I guess I will be investing in another CD as we don't own any stock and I know squat about investments.

Have to call the VA again tomorrow and see if they can help me as changing our Will's I need someone to become beneficiary if I die before Wil. We have no family here or anyone I would trust to handle the placement as he won't be able to live alone.  I've been trying to reach an old attorney friend for advice but he isn't available any more I guess. He gave me his phone number but no response.

Got a black and white stray cat hanging around, no cropped ear. I suppose I should call the TNR people for help.

Daughter had SWBC insurance on her car. I got a letter to The Estate of her today.  Love how it starts out with the deepest condolences. Then "we have received the death certificate in consideration of the life benefits of the loan....pending review. Next paragraph, Credit Union may require regular, continuing loan payments during our evaluation.  Please check with them....

No human signed it, cc to Credit Union. Then in bold at the bottom: Please be advised that this acknowledgement letter does not guarantee availability of benefit coverage or approval of claim benefits. 

Could it be they want me to pay on the loan so they have less to pay out?  It is upsetting to me as when they had called and asked if I had any payment book I told them no I do believe she paid online and of course I have no access to her account.  The Credit Union is the first person I called so they could do whatever they had to do. They never said then or yet that I had to take on car payments.

Already I have made over $1,000 in property tax, over $500 insurance on house and car and have picked up the utilities on the house. I have paid over $1,000 to have the house cleared as she was a hoarder and did not fix anything. I paid over $300 just to get AC and heat serviced, $250 cleaning, $300 to have the rug hauled off, plus $96 for a new toilet, $130 to clear the tub drain.  The house will have to sell 'as is'.

When she lost her job years ago she dipped into her 401 K and the IRS went after her. She was still paying them so off went a check for over $1,000 that if I read right is all she had left.

I can't afford her car, I can't drive it either. A 2018 Chrysler 300.  Her new phone was leased and I am not paying that thousand dollars either. Tina talked to them today and I'm forgetting what she is going to do, she has the phone. T-Mobile has not cancelled daughters account yet and they should have.

Probate will probably take at least 2 months due to the back log from Pandemic.  So I can put the house on the market but won't be able to close.  Alice (realtor) told me if I don't pay on the car they can repossess it and I won't get the insurance. Hey it doesn't look like I will any way.

As I sit here, any room, I think. What am I to do with those pictures? The ones Scott drew, the one daddy drew, the ones cousin Lysle drew. What about the one I got for mom that hangs behind the couch, the one Wil got for me when the artist was at the mall?  What about all things sitting on shelves, hanging on walls?  I've no one to leave them too now.

Then there are the photo boxes. Scott's, ours, a few pictures I found at Carissa's. Do I empty the pictures on my computer?

Memories attached to just about everything that will mean nothing to any one else.

A few tears showed up as I talked to Betty today. Dr, had ordered a tranquilizer when I called for it, took one twice none since. I pray for calm as it will not help Wil if I'm on a tears or rant. Last night I got upset when I realized when I handed him the pill container yesterday morning he must of taken AM &PM.  This morning he only took AM.  It is hard to watch close for everything. He will pick up anything and put it in his desk drawer.

Tomorrow I wait for a phone call from Junk King that they are on their way to Carissa's house. I must not think about the things I didn't have the strength to remove and cart over here to our shed waiting for the Disabled Vets some day.  They say they recycle but I can't see how they separate things.  She said the trucks are divided. There is so much trash that has to go. I knew Carissa was a hoarder but I didn't realize she was messy too. The last Sunday she was here she talked of the things she wanted to do at the house. I've even found her lists. But she never got started. I wonder if I should of pushed her to get help, but I didn't know how bad it was. Once we turned the property over to her we never went back.

So many questions going through my mind.

Yesterday afternoon. I only told a couple people as I needed an alone time and I think Wil did too. Pastor David drove us down in my car.

Funeral director gave me back her necklace, and I don't remember asking for it. I'm forgetting a lot lately and Wil finally found my car keys but doesn't remember where. He was sitting at his desk and I had checked every desk drawer. I still can't find the envelope from her car with insurance information in it. We still don't have the death certificate, I have a tentative probate appointment May 11th.  I asked my doctor for help after I yelled at a guy at the funeral home yesterday and continue to cry when I didn't need to. I can't let Wil seeing me cry. It doesn't help him.

The funeral home wanted insurance information to 'help me'. I learned today it was sent by UPS to Carissa's address. I have no idea who has it as they have a habit of leaving things on the porch. So today they have had to send me a new packet that I can do nothing with unless I have a copy of the death certificate. Which of course I don't have. More complicated because she died at home. They have to investigate more. Like contact her primary doctor but I don't know what else.

So off I went to look through the bush at the corner of the porch. Betty was to come at 9:30 to again clear a path to the office. When they pulled the mattress and box springs out they cluttered the office again and I wanted to fix it so Troy could walk in and get the equipment belonging to Well Med. Doug fixed it, pulled it out and put it near the door. He put the new knob on the front door and helped me carry stuff for the city bulk pick up. Betty was late.

Doug and I talked about the need for a company to clear stuff out. He got on his cell phone and came back with a name and number and set it up for them to come give an estimate Monday.

I'm exhausted mentally and physically. Signing off.

I went to church online of course. I feel numb, to me the day is not "Happy" Easter. It is that our Lord has Risen, but the day without Carissa, last Sunday who knew we would not see her again?

Juan just came over and packed a bag into our trash container and rolled it around front. So my kitchen bag will sit in the garage a week because there is not one iota of room, not one. Two big bags were from her car alone. She drove a Chrysler 300 and that has a huge trunk.

I should be sitting here writing utility information down as I have to call them first thing in the morning. Then I need to call Costco to stop the auto pay and call her bank to freeze her card or whatever it is they have to do.

Wil has an appt. with the urologist tomorrow and when we get back there will be a grocery delivery her employer took care of. One of her bosses was here Friday to leave a card and some cash. Another is having T-shirts with her picture on it and one of her favorite sayings. They hope to sell enough to help us as well. I told him I'd like a shirt. I'll have to tell you later the saying, I forgot it.

Her employers are wonderful. I even heard from a man with her 401K. I/we can get counseling for 36 months, plus something else I forgot.

Wednesday we got our COVID shot, the first. Then it was down to the funeral home. Ms. Ybarra had to leave the room and awful lot. Of course she wasn't there when the floral book was laid down. The lady from church was in there with us and I'm surprised they allowed it. But we just went over that flower book and she held the price list.  She said I might as well bring some of my bluebonnets, though I told her they won't keep in a vase.  Then she scrolled through her phone to show me you can get a casket built. I finally asked her to take a seat I needed quiet time.  Wil wanted to leave because he didn't want her husband to have to drive through heavy traffic.

Betty has cochlear implants and I kept leaning forward to talk to her. The next day I had to have a pain pill and I had gone several days without one. So Tony and Lydia will take us down to the funeral Saturday.

https://www.missionparks.com/obituaries/Carissa-Blayney/?fbclid=IwAR2_Pl3NCmE060DkwR4xcrzeoIF6n3bCaQG7HnAfHAqk8DG3FrUOokjQO6k#!/Obituary

Can't find a link feature.

A trap was set for Sparkle. First try she shut the door in a walk around I think. Second try we got her and she is parked in a box holding Christmas stuffed animals in the closet. I was determined to shut the door so she wouldn't become a closet cat here.  She opened it.

Millie came by and left the most delicious looking plate of ham etc. Here I am struggling to eat with my stomach revolting.  Helen called they are barbequing chicken. Maybe I can freeze some.

Yesterday I became concerned when daughter wasn't answering her phone, email or Facebook. Wil came with me as we drove to her house. I missed her street and Wil said lets go home. Last try I hit the right side street and got to her house. Her car was in her driveway, no answer at her front door. I went around to the side door which was open. I could see her in her recliner and called to her. I opened the door and stumbled in to find her dead.

I called authorities and waited with Wil at the car. A neighbors relative came over and helped me by dialing a friend.  May showed up in a bit with Kate in the car.  Eventually May took Wil home as I stayed.  So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for awhile. I have to find her cat. Tony will bring her car over here. I've asked the police to do some drive by's as I can not secure her door. We have well me and any friends have a huge job as she was a hoarder. I hadn't been to her house after we turned it over to her.

As I age I get worse at that every day. At dinnertime I ate way too much!  I know I should not do that with my pesky stomach and supper became a couple of peach slices on toast. I wish I could just burp like Wil can. lol That's a guy thing I think.

I wrote the wrong day down for our doctor appt. It is Monday, we were there yesterday. I wanted to see if we could do our labs but they were out to lunch.  I don't know how Wil was feeling as we drove home. Bet he fusses Monday. Well maybe not. He didn't remember tonight that he fill the bird baths out back this morning. I told him twice in a matter of minutes.

Batteries went out last night on my pill timer. I got new ones in only to discover removing batteries must have wiped out the set time. I can't get any response from Carissa so I made a stab at resetting it. Instead of 8 hrs. I set 80 minutes.  Now I can't clear and try again. She had a back injection today and is not responding to email or fb.   So until she comes Sunday I'll be counting on my fingers.

I have been fortunate today, after initial pill when I got up I haven't taken any and unless my back kicks up I'll try again skipping bedtime one.  I've had a couple days I felt like the injection must be working, no pills, then all of a sudden the next day wham!

I got perturbed when they canceled my pain management appt. When I got a call from the pharmacy I had pills and they were the ones I can't take, I got ticked. Then I cried and asked if they prefer I find another doctor.  He called me this morning. I didn't know those pills had a refill but I probably wouldn't remember the pharmacy would automatically call the Dr. for the refill and he has staff that does that and they wouldn't think to check my chart.

Saying a chart is funny, they don't have those any more. So I owed him and his staff a great big apology.  They found an appt. in April for me and hopefully another of his doctors can pop in for a discussion on the treatment plan. I do not want a NP. That way I will have another doctor I can learn to trust. I've gone to Dr.Martinez since he first started. I told him I consider him my son and got a laugh from him. My gastro doc retired, my gyn doc retired so to think of losing this doctor I think was eating at me.

Generations ago you had a home town doctor that did everything. I remember as a child a doctor coming to the house and giving us our immunizations. Small town.

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Two years ago when I had the stroke I got up one morning and fell into the folding closet door.  Today I got the rubber mallet and attempted to bang the lower half straight. Wil came in and I suggested perhaps he could try lifting that side up. Bingo, mallet back in the tool chest, door shut. I do realize I best not open it full, just enough to get my clothes. Feel better now the cat can't get in there and possibly snag the clothes hanging down.  He still is not using the log to scratch or the slanted scratching post with a sisal.