This is an image from a post I made in July 19, 2015.  I was going to transfer that journal entry to here.  Not worth the effort really.  Daughter and I and Janice on this Sunday went to this mission. To tell the day I need the pictures and xanga is not going to let me put them where I want to.  So be it.

Today after I fed my birds I headed out to the mall for my new glasses. Of course I had made my back hurt prior by pulling debris out of the front flower garden. Put my back brace on, got in the car and took it off.

Wednesday pain management doctor did a Medial Branch Block using a numbing agent not a steroid.  This is required by Medicare before they do an ablation.   You have to have an 80% relief  or they won't let you do an ablation on their money.  https://www.webmd.com/arthritis/radiofrequency-ablation#1   (can't find the insert for url)

Of course there are going to be people that will tell me don't do it.  I just don't think injecting steroids are any better.  The link I gave you says for Arthritis but my back has more than arthritis.

Taking on this effort means find a driver who is willing to wait an hour of their time to drive me back. I use a light sedation and I will no longer try it without. For years before my fusion I had steroid injections without any sedation.  Guess I've become a sissy.

Poor Wil has to wait at home. That's OK he doesn't get up until 10 a.m. I leave a note. Since he looks at the calendar to see what day it is I could be sure he sees it if I put the note there.  I can't just tell him, he won't remember.

He is doing pretty well. Only one day last week he got mad and was going to go for a walk.  I got him to go sit on Scott's swing with some fast talking.  Scared me. Tina was here to do the floors and HEB delivered groceries.  To much activity all at once.  Didn't help I had told him there were strawberries for his cereal about to spoil.  He seemed to know he had filled the bowl to full.

He has been fine since. I must pay more attention before I open my mouth. I don't have a good history of that.

No idea who the author is.

Many years ago in a small church in Ireland a message was given in which the minister said that Jesus' words, "Abide in me, and I in you," mean to simply say in every circumstance, "For This I have Jesus," and Jesus will say, "For This You Have me."

While he was speaking, a telegram was delivered to the young pianist.  It read: "Mother very ill, take first train home."

At the conclusion of the message she shared the telegram with us, and she added: "I have never traveled alone, but, 'For This I Have Jesus.' I must cross the channel and make connections on the other side, but, 'For This I Have Jesus.'  Then I take a long train trip to the south of England, but 'For This, and all the suspense along the way,  'I have Jesus.'  As she spoke these words, we saw the Light of Heaven upon her face.

Several weeks later a letter came from her, which was a song of praise. She wrote, "As I traveled that long sorrowful journey, I continued to say, "For This I Have Jesus,' and He answered, For This You Have Me.'

As I reached home my sister fell sobbing on my  shoulder saying, "Oh, if you had only come ten minutes sooner you would have seen Mother who so longed to see you." Instantly I looked up and said, 'For This I Have Jesus,' and He came between me and my sorrow, and vain regrets had no power over me.  We had never had a death or funeral in our family, and they all depended on me for ever decision.  Acknowledging my ignorance I said softly, "For This I Have Jesus,' and He gave me His wisdom for every detail.  There was also His perfect peace for all legal matters that needed attention.

"Now life had become joyous and victorious as in every circumstance I continue to say, "For This I Have Jesus".

Here is one of the latest child's puzzle I've done.  I do them at least twice and here in Chrome browser

I can't get the sentence beside it.  I've dragged it but will it stay?  I started it beside.  Won't make a lot of sense if it is clear at the bottom.

Think it pops away because I put a space between it and sentences.

This morning I went out with weed killer to the front flower bed.  The native weed I call horse mint a low growing spreading weed is taking over.  I had to spray around a couple blue bonnets popping up the wrong time of the year.  I have tried to pull it but no way can I get it all. Grows among the iris plants too.

Scott's plants in front of the house are blooming nicely. I love that lily he had and right now I forgot the name of it. We are lucky it is growing at all.  We didn't know there was a bud area Wil needed to dig too.  I've got photo's of it but still on camera.

I am still having a hard time taking sky pictures. I even leaned on the flag pole last night. I seem to have more balance problems by night. I should of had my pendant on last night as I was close to losing my upright status.  Wil doesn't come outside with me.

Next week I have to get him over to the tax office as Dr. Mireas gave an Rx for handicap status for him.  He still drives a little when I am with him. I'm kinda making sure it is darn little.  I was talking to doc about lines in credit union, he said he still needed the declaration.  I can't quite figure that out. Doc could tell his back was bothering him the short distance he shuffle/walked to the chair.  He felt if I can control it with aspirin that will do.  I told him I didn't want to put him through any scans at this time. There is nothing they can do really. Wil would never allow any surgery on his back when he was healthier. He sees what happened to me.  I'm sure the code he put on the Rx is for his dementia.

This week I got to the pool Monday and Friday.  Then I got Wil up to cash his check which he thought was stopped as it didn't come the 26th.  I immediately take the cash envelope and put it in my purse. I get home and it goes to the hidey hole...that I won't tell him where it is. ...or we will have to search for it when needed.  At this point there is no way I can get him to have them send it to the bank account. He always said they would mess it up.

He is still washing dishes sometimes. Of course he doesn't let them air dry so they get put where ever. This week some young women from church for a service project, cleaned our kitchen cabinets. It was kind of funny when they put things back they pulled everything to the front in the canned goods and under the sink put my dishpans way to the back.  Had a lot of empty spaces in the back. After they left I rearranged cupboards. lol  At least they are clean now.

This week I worked at pruning the sage shrub as it was hanging over the fence and the church guy had to mow around it.  In the past I would of walked back there but this time I crawled under branches to get to it. Kind of stabbed my arms with cut branches in the process.  Doc thought I had encountered a cat or dog.

Next month I have to get Wil back to the VA derm. Looks like a cancer on the top of his ear...again. Different ear.  Wil is always picking something or scratching.  I wish I could find a puzzle to keep his hands busy but he is not interested.

Gonna send this up. In the editor the picture is OK now. Cross my fingers.

I guess my friend Millie is still out of town. I know Katy is she is on the church mission in New Orleans. My plan today was go to the pool with the new gym bag in tow.  I realized I have not brought the walker in to give it a try.  The more I walked the worse my back  felt so I decided to wait until Monday.

My sinus continue to wake me and I found Wil on the couch and chased him back to bed. He has to use a CPAP when he sleeps and the darned thing records when he uses it and when he doesn't.  I don't know how I am going to explain the missing times to his doctor. To him he doesn't realize when he has missed, nor does he know when it leaks. I'm sure we will hear about that also.  If I'm asleep and don't hear it I can't correct it.

Today seems to be a hard day for him. First he didn't want to eat breakfast then he didn't want any lunch. Got him to fix the last hamburg into a patty for himself but I should of cooked it for him. I was being held captive in the recliner with Pookie on the arm.

In fact when I told him I couldn't get my dessert because I don't leave the little blind bird on the arm of a chair, he said he would get it. I made strawberry shortcake yesterday and elements were leftover.  I had to tell him 3 times how to assemble it. Kitchen is right around the corner. 3 times he could not remember.  When he finally got it to me very few strawberries on it.  So he brought that bowl in without a spoon so I could get some more.

He got a big kick out of Pookie devouring whip cream from my spoon.  Little 'sweet beak'.

You can bet I put Wil's bowl together. One he wouldn't remember how, two it was the only way I got some food in him today. I now realize the days of him fixing himself something are rapidly disappearing.   I know that will seem strange to people who say it was my job to prepare and serve all meals.  I remember mom's shock when he visited  and got his own cereal and coffee for breakfast.

I am a lousy meal planner now if ever I was. My appetite or lack of plays a role.  I can't get on Meals on Wheels for a delivery. We have a car and can get to the store.  That program is for the home bound.  I have little desire to go eat somewhere when I can't really taste it.  He also has trouble with menu's now.  Sort of like his hearing aids that don't seem to help any more.

I'm wondering now if my tiredness is anemia or am I depressed and just don't realize it?  While I am saddened with Wil's dementia I don't feel depressed.  Best discuss this next week with the doctor. There are days I'm discouraged about the residual from the stroke, I'm well pleased with the progress I have made when I stop to think about it.

I am concerned about daughter and her new diagnoses. If I think meal planning is the pits I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.

The politics in our country can be depressing and the thought of war with Iran doesn't help.  Need to turn to God more...me I mean.

Poured rain this morning, of course I had the flag up. Sun soon came out and I fixed a lunch, packed a bag for the pool, forgot googles.  Wil had put the tea kettle on as I left. I forgot to call him when I got there to see if he remembered he had put the kettle on.  As I prepared to come home I called him, the phone rang and rang and rang.  I prayed and worried on the way home. Kept to the speed limit and drove carefully.  Maybe he was in the bathroom and couldn't answer. I got home to find him in the kitchen washing up dishes.  I had pondered on the way home whether I try to get him to come with me for pool. Don't think I could do that.  He didn't know what he had gone outside for but thought that is where he was.  I had forgotten he checks the mail quite often.

I asked him to hang my towel on the line. An hour later he didn't remember it when he was trying to describe the blue towel to me. I was talking about the one I use in the bathroom to dry the tub seat off.  He was talking about the one on the line.

Then he couldn't find his sunglasses. He had come inside without them on and of course had no memory of wearing them.  I opened a little drawer on the file cabinet there they were. He said he didn't remember putting them there.  Just like he didn't remember my nail clippers and letter opener getting on his desk.  I'm going to have to move his kit for cleaning his hearing aids, he keeps moving it.  So I walk out in the garage and my big flower bin was in the middle of the floor. He had no memory of moving it either.

When this all started it was the pickle fork. I keep saying though it is the little things.  Add to it is all the little things I keep doing too.

A follow up with Dr. Chumley on my throat.  He had no idea what caused the esophageal web. He just advised me to call if it happens again.  I must of had that thing about two years if I recall. But we all know my recall is far from great.    Called Wil I was on my way home when I sat down in the car.

He had wakened the birds but didn't know what to feed them.  When I was in hospital he kept adding seed in their bowls without emptying them. Birds had to dig through the hulls. Now he didn't even know where the seed was. Poor guy.

He can't seem to see things right in front of him.  I hung all the coffee mugs within view in the kitchen but he can't seem to see them. I did find this about that:  People with dementia can have visual difficulties caused by the brain but still have healthy eyes. That is problems perceiving what they see rather than how sharply they see it. Dementias that may have a direct impact on vision are: Lewy Body, Posterior Cortical Atrophy, Alzheimers and Vascular Dementia.

I should have realized that as he has trouble hearing with his aids in. His aids aren't cheap ones.  A google search found much about that.

He didn't want lunch today so I had a sandwich before we headed to the Base for his hair cut. When we left there we took a run to the Commissary. I needed bleach and vinegar, the bird baths are getting really moldy this year.  He used to mix both of those so I am glad that is my job now as I used just the bleach. If you get it soon enough you can use vinegar.

When we finished I waited with the bag lady while he went to get the car.  While I drove there I guess he decided he'd drive home. That was OK as my back didn't feel so hot.  We got home and I was digging around in the little purse Carissa had bought me. I got upset, my keys weren't there, they weren't in my pocket either.  I had to have them to disarm the alarm system.  I didn't know where I would go look for them I didn't remember dropping them. I wear them often in stores on my wrist.  Lo and behold Wil had them!  How did he get them?  I don't remember handing them to him.  Of course he has no idea as he didn't remember.  This is the kind of stress I don't need!   He just kind of laughed when he realized he had them in the ignition.  That will remain a mystery as my mind just has a life of its own.

After I put stuff away I came back here to check email.  I saw an email from Kenny and got excited. He doesn't send emails.  Well calm down Bonnie you were thinking of the old pool manager not the present one.  But it was nice to hear from Kenny. They all were wondering how I was. I only have gotten back one time since the stroke.  I've wanted to get back. Now with schools out swim lessons are in line for kids. Noisy and general public has to swim across the pool.  So I wrote back and ask Kenny if they could accommodate me near the lockers.  He wrote back they could.  Now for me to try and get back.

Daughter has learned what is wrong with her stomach. Gastroparesis.  I think that is spelled right.  I linked it to an article if you wish to read about it.  I swear my sister had that and the doctors didn't diagnosis it in that small town.  A long time ago when I brought it up with her daughter she said no they think it is all in her head.  The autopsy showed failure to thrive and kidney disease.

More than likely daughter's diabetes caused it.  As for my esophageal web my doctor has no idea what caused it.  Well I sure won't wait 2 yrs. (or more) when I can't swallow right without skipping checking it out.  First time it happened I thought I just had a sore throat on one side.

Well guess I'll send this up and maybe update my Firefox. Got a note about that.

I don't intend on being so long between posts, but not much exciting goes on around here. Same old same old stuff.  Groceries, pharmacy, doctors you know the drill.  I can report I can now swallow my pills with out them catching in my throat.  Same with bread.  The endoscope did leave my throat sore for a week but it was the annoying ache at the bottom of my jaw that left me puzzled.

Dr. Chumley was surprised that he had to dilate so high up this time. He ran into an esophageal web. He just called it a web.  I was surprised because I have had very little heartburn for the gastric reflux I had been diagnosed with.  Or have I just forgotten any?

I got to drive daughter for her endoscope but they found no ulcer and she has another test she has to go through.  I got a giggle when they told her she will have to eat an egg for the test because she does not eat eggs!

Only digestive problem Wil has ever had is sometimes he has pain in his stomach and burps and burps. It is possible he swallows air at night but he doesn't have it often enough to be seen by a doctor for it. I give him some Pepto Bismal and that seems to take care of it.

Currently I am adjusting to hearing aids, both ears. This morning I put them in without looking in the mirror.  I can't see how I'm doing with a mirror as I don't have great peripheral vision.  (new I was going to misspell peripheral and I did. I am thankful for spell check )

What frustrates me is when my ears decide to itch.  I'm not going to pop the aids out to scratch.

The last couple days the morning with the wind has been nice enough to sit on the swing and read. I'm trying to finish Carolina Blue by Jaeme Haviland.  I don't see his name on FB in my friends list. I suppose they closed his account by now. Think it has been a year since he died.   Haven't checked Flickr photo's lately.  I do miss him.  I didn't realize he turned 50 the year of 911.  I don't know what to do with his books when I finish with them.  The Library isn't going to want them for their sales I think.  Daughter isn't going to be interested in them.

My mind just drifted away right now.

Something happened when I was in my Chrome browser and clicked on my web pages..zap gone!  Tried to use Firefox to restore them and they ended up in the bookseller folder!  I've no idea how to move them and not in the mood tonight.  Don't even have all the pages listed there.

Last week it was fight to get into my Flickr account.  Logging into yahoo got me no where so I tried using my email. I got in but I sure hope I wrote my password down some where.  Two days ago I tried to read an email addressed to Wil from the credit card folks.  It took a call and drag him back to tell them it was alright to delete that email and deal with me.  Their suggestion to me was to get their POA in. Hopefully daughter can help with that Saturday. We are supposed to go to Costco for my hearing aids then.

I am so tired of this password stuff.

Does not help that my neck hurts at the base of my jaw. I thought it might be TMJ but I can open my mouth fine.  Even when I swallow I feel it in my neck. I've not had that reaction before from a dilation of my esophagus.  I've had a sore throat a couple days before, but no neck problems.

Tomorrow Tina is due in for floors, I think after she drops a friend off at the hospital.  I need to be working on a grocery list. Again... so that's something I can do while she works. Oh and strip the bed so she can put clean sheets on.  I did do that two weeks ago, but it is a struggle.

Today I got the bluebonnets pulled and that wore me out. Next comes the larkspur. They are being slow to go to seed out back.  Need to get Round Up on the Nandina sneaking back. Yes I know about all the warnings with it. I don't have the recipe with the epsom salts and dawn at hand and I doubt that would work on this shrub.

All of a sudden my internet went out. No storm nearby and I think it quit raining. ?? Supposed to rain all week.

I went out this morning still not dressed, dragged the bin in Juan nicely hauls to my driveway after it is dumped.  I've told him I can get it now but guess he has forgotten. Oh well.  While looking over my fast growing yard I decided I best clean up the bluebonnets I pulled last week so they could mow.  While having a profuse amount of plants I'm betting I won't next year because the seeds have not dried.  Still have some that may go to seed.

To get them around back I brought the old trash can and loaded it and dumped it in the green bin. Betting tomorrow I will have some sore muscles.

Then I decided I best go pick up Wil's milk and some bird seed and some stamps before it stormed. I got dressed, dug out the old Sea World poncho so if it rained I wouldn't get soaked. Can't carry an umbrella with a walker.  Wil was up and I told him where I was going. I should of told him to open the door to the birds room and put their blind up. I didn't and he forgot all about them.

Once home I had to take care of birds and put few things away.  Then I had to get after Wil to eat, he had his coffee and I'm sure a couple cookies. Uh oh I didn't buy any while out.

He has finally progressed to the hiding stage of money.  I happened on it in the birds room and had to figure out if it was from his latest check.  It was, so now I have to hide it from him so I will know where it is. Of course he does not remember doing it and it had to be daytime as birds are in a dark room when they go to bed.  It is now to late to have his check sent straight to the bank.  My earlier effort fell on ears and a no. He didn't trust them to not mess it up.  So I will have to take charge when he cashes it.  Which I basically was doing, but now have to move the spot.

I hope he doesn't take to hiding other stuff. In the kitchen he misplaces things and has all along. That is how I knew something new was happening.

I am doing most of the driving now. When Carissa and I went to Costco Saturday I hid his car keys so he wouldn't take off for ice cream or something while we were gone.  Hope to remember to do this again this Saturday when we go to order hearing aids.  He will probably stay home and I won't ask if he wants to go along as that big warehouse of people would probably be upsetting to him.  It was to me the short time she and I were there Saturday.   The din of noise and activity is something else.

Tomorrow I take him to audiology to check his hearing aides. Hopefully they can reduce background noise and maybe he can hear better.

Probably slow because I did no housework what so ever. I had phone calls to make, email to daughter and how else did I waste time?  Didn't sleep well last night and I was in here at 2 a.m. closing the program for my external drive. I was unable to see what was written in the hours it was running.  Called Tim this morning. I only had to drag what I wanted to the folder! I didn't have to install all that junk that came with it including the manual I did not understand!

The new key board was a challenge. The cord was not long enough to attach the way of the old one. The connection is at the top of my tower.  So I had to open the door to the shelf beside, bend down on one knee and thread the wire through one to the holes at the top of that area.

Wil was no where around, he left to go to the bathroom and apparently forgot I needed him to push the big old desk out.  So once the bookcase was moved from the end I planted my feet and back against the wall and shoved.  I got it done.

Yesterday was the visit to my ear doctor. Hearing test done and yes I need hearing aids. Both ears. She recommended Costco because they have good hearing aids and guarantee them. Turns out what she didn't know was you have to become a member to the tune of $60 a year.

I can't drive to the place so I let daughter know they are open Saturday and Sunday.  It took her awhile to figure out why she had to call them for an appointment in that department. So we are set for the 11th this month. She said they will accept a check. We will see.

Also on the phone to call for an appt. with Dr. Chumley. Dr. K said she could not stretch the esophagus and that is what I need. So I call scheduling to find out with my history they can schedule the procedure without having to see Dr. Chumley for him to tell them to schedule it.  While strange it makes more sense with my history. I think it was 2016 the last time this was done.

So today it was line up Verlina to take me.  Not allowed to drive after sedation. Don't remember how many days of sore throat the last time.

Wil has had a problem today. He keeps pulling the postcard off the calendar for his appt. next week at audiology.  They have a map on the back of it and he has been studying it trying to figure out how to get there. I've told him at least twice I'm driving and I know where they are.  He's also confusing that appt. with one where he sees a doctor at the VA.  He has spent almost all day muddling in his desk drawers.

We had a big laugh the other day when I got neighbor Juan over to get down the burned out fluorescent  ceiling light in the kitchen. He climbs the big step stool/ladder type thing to find no bulb is up there. Apparently we just left it out. I like to keep those bulbs on hand and I didn't remember what kind I needed. 4 ft. they are. Wish we could afford a new type of light, but we can't and I don't know what else one could put in a galley kitchen.  I just know they are a pain to replace.