It's 5:18 pm and every time I sit down in this chair that little kitty will show up. It's either that or I have to run to the bathroom.   Sure nuf off to bathroom and able to feed both of them and get a drink of water. Hungry and dinner time only thirsty now.

Spent the last couple weeks feeding a stray kitten, playing with it, keeping it from getting in the house. Last week Carol picked him up and took him to the city for a free neuter. Since I didn't want him back she was going to  put him with the ferals at her house. That made me sad and I kept asking people if they wanted him. Not to worry, once at Animal Control they realized he would be adopted so Animal Defense League took him. He will get all his shots and be fostered first. Bet whoever fosters him will end up keeping him. I would play with him tossing balls and marbles and he'd chase them, tire of them come back to me for more. Of course that meant I had to retrieve them. lol He'd try to p lay with my cane!

In between all this it was fill out paperwork that got lost in the mail, and one they said I did not sign and I had to get 2 witnesses  watching me sign. Big mystery I didn't use ink that disappears, so the second one I signed in 2 places, one on front one on back. They need to redo the form, wasn't clear where I was to sign!

The mail brought a check to Wil for the lawsuit everyone signed when their CPAP had to be recalled. Another smaller check also came in for him forget what that was for. Of course I can't cash them.

Last week I got to see Molly my PA or is she NP, can't remember. She put the lidocaine patches I brought with me on my back before I left. She went over the Xrays and MRI I had while in the hospital. A neurosurgeon's NP came to the hospital and scared the heck out of me. I must have surgery or....type of thing. Yet after I got out of the hospital and tried to get them to call me to schedule when they had the tests has fallen on deaf ears.  I don't drive any more and it would be a waste of time to make an appt. and just look at the doctor not knowing if he/she has seen them.

My primary doc indicated he wouldn't have surgery with my back. Besides the pain mostly comes from my lower back, not the top of the rods.

Since I left Molly's office I didn't even get out of the building without horrible pain. I should of gone back in since she said call if I needed anything. lol  I did buy their $75 bottle with CBD cream in it.

I have done church at home the last two Sunday's. I was finally able to get to Wil's grave and leave a wreath and put flowers on the kids grave and make a note Scott's bench under the crepe myrtle needs cleaned and the shoots from the shrub need cut next time. Plus I had to let them know the dirt is sinking at the bottom of Wil's grave after all the rain they apparently had. Mary sat with me and  put her arm around me when I started to choke up. I managed to pull myself together.

Doorbell just rang. Juan from next door brought me some barbeque chicken. Supposed I should go eat some.

Tomorrow a lawyer will be here with his laptop so the judge doing the deed can speak with me. Then in the afternoon is a urology appt. Later in the week back to Costco for my hearing aid fix. I had cancelled Friday appt thinking the lawyer was coming then. I swear between my hearing on the phone and my muddled brain....

btw I'm trying to paint with acrylics. Got a couple nice ones and Carol pointed out until I get better do it on paper. Then I discovered I have 2 books I used to draw in and gave up when I can't really draw and I still have the pencils for that. lol

I know I'm way behind. Back has been getting me up at 3 or 4 so I end up with some long naps of late. Mary picked me up today at 9 a.m. and took me to the credit union for cash and on to pick up a prescription of Lidocaine patches. She put 2 on and they worked awhile but not for the 12 hrs. they are supposed to. The top of my spinal fusion from 20 years ago is now causing problems.

July 1st I ended up in the hospital when I couldn't walk right and trying to get to Wil's recliner I fell on my butt. I was in for 3 days, MRI and xrays and a nurse Practionier came in from a neurosurgeon and they wanted to ship me straight to another hospital for surgery. I had Wil's funeral to go to so of course I refused.  When I was finally able to get an appt. I can't because I refuse to go until I know they got all the xrays. They aren't responding.

To add to my days I have taken on feeding a kitten outside until Carol can get him in to be neutered next week. I do take time to roll some little balls for him after he eats and pet his little head and sometimes pick him up. I am going to cry when he is gone but I can't take on a kitten. I still have my 2 cats.

Then Monday I learned Pacific Life did not get the packet I put in an envelope without copying it. I actually cried to think I will have to do it again and I will insist on taking it to p.o. which means a ride since I sold the car. This is Wil's Sea World retirement and they will cut the amount any way. I lost his AF retirement as he didn't think I would need it. Little did we realize how much the cost of living would go up. I should be alright as I still have some of Carissa's insurance when she died.  Left that in God's hands.

A Dr. in Michigan I've known online for years thought I should paint. So I'm trying to do acrylics.  I think I should go back to coloring and probably will when I run out of paint. I know you should practice but that means buy stuff.

I have managed to get utilities transferred to my name but when it came to USAA insurance I had to redo coverage so I dropped the inexpensive one for jewelry as I have no way to evaluate the costs as most were gifts from daughter. Any loss you would have to prove value so...gone. Been on the phone with them a lot lately, hail damage to roof and one vent they were here to redo after second rain poured in on my kitchen stove.

Next week I need to call a probate attorney to get the house deed transferred into my name. My regular probate attorney has no forms for it and is going out for eye surgery.  I guess since I have the Wills here I don't have to file  probate. Another question I best ask. I closed the safe deposit box and had to pay $20 for the lost key. I had moved it when I saw Wil in the box in the hall where I had put it. Can't remember where I moved it too and all searches came up empty. Just like the searches for a purse of Carissa's, the extra coffee carafe, and I'm sure there is something else lost. Wil used to always find lost things as I get frustrated looking.

My job now is feeding 2 cats, and watering 4 plants the florist never potted. My friend ordered an arrangement with a lovely wind chime. The funeral ended and those unpotted plants ended here with the nice basket I had to find a home for because they were tropical and a huge arrangement of pots in a basket no less. Cats and tropical don't go.

So everyone leaves after we get here and I needed to get something to eat, rest, go out to shed in the heat searching for pots. I got it done but the peace plant sits on the top of the bookcase and I need to find a home for it too. One other plant I did managed to get a therapist to take with her. Yes I have PT as July 1st I ended up in the hospital. I couldn't walk and fell on my backside trying to get to Wil's recliner. Miserable 3 days of Xrays and they wanted to ship me over to Methodist hospital for back surgery. I told them I had a funeral to attend so no way. They let me come home to rehab here.  Such an urgent problem and I can't get an appt. with the neurosurgeon.

My church family has been right here to see I have food. I already use them to drive us (me) to doctors. Only one lady still pops in with food now. Suk also lost her husband to dementia. Had a nice talk with her yesterday. I'm still struggling with anger about the facility I had him moved too. I toured the  place and never learned they don't have  one on one care so since Wil walked slow they plopped him in a wheel chair he kept falling out of. Hospice didn't get on board right away.

Hush Bonnie drop it. At least I got to tell him I loved him and watch him try to answer back before he died.

Following advice I had Wil admitted to hospital just before Memorial Day. Then I had to find a place to take him. Didn't have the right questions during the tour. Hospital dumped him on them unannounced and no information. Carol and I had his room all set up. This was the last time he walked. They didn't offer one on one care and hospice was not yet in place.

He went down hill quickly and died June 19th. I got to tell him I loved him and I know that is what he was trying to say back.

He was buried July 13th full military honors.

Just a note to let those who do come here know I'm OK, groaning older. lol

Wil requires more attention it seems. Search for a hearing aid the latest, stumble across another I didn't know was out of his ear. Struggle to fix meals he will eat. I hate cooking any way and microwave meals have fallen out of his favor along with soups. Then last week I grabbed the wrong potato salad at Wal Mart.

In between all of this I gave our couch to Salvation Army. I knocked a glass of water over when I sat down on the recliner and that was the cincher as I struggled to reach under the couch to clean it up. I drink flavored water no idea how it would dry. So Valerie drove me to Lazy Boy way out and I bought one for him to use instead of stacking pillows on the end of the couch. It is to be delivered tomorrow.

The current one was bought in 2012 and when I compared prices I paid $13 more for the new one. It was the 99 delivery fee. We had a pick up and picked up the old one. lol Of course when I gave this news to him he thought that was a lot of money I paid. He has no way to comprehend it.

Now yesterday a couple young men came by they were in the neighborhood with a boss inspecting roofs. I saw the images he took up there and we indeed need a new roof. One area over this room the decking is soft so that means water damage. It is the corner of the house that takes a beating during a storm. Thankfully it has not come into this room. So now I will be dealing with another inspector from the insurance company. I don't remember any deductible on the house the last 2 times but it looks like there will be one this time. If I read it right online $1,000.

Whenever it gets done it will drive the cats nuts.

Going on 11 I need to get to bed. I don't sleep well, back  and sinus. New doctor on the list, back to a urologist as I have a cystocele now. Lost 2 pessers already and surgery is not going to be a sure fire either I suppose.

I have filed paperwork for a bed for Wil at the Tejeda VA home. Original plan was if something happened to me. Now when they get a bed he will go. A lot of tears over that.

Don't know if I'll get an email notice out on this.

Couldn't get to sleep last night. Facing a hard decision about Wil. Then my mind started to wander. So I got up and went and colored until 1. Went back to bed. He was standing in the hall holding himself but he was already wet. Got him out of those into clean then onto the toilet. Then got him back into bed and I'm wide awake with my back aching. I couldn't remember at bedtime if I took a pain pill as I was getting him off to bed.

I stumbled into the shower as I wanted to catch the minister at 5 a.m. when I also had to feed the cats. They then play as I sit in the recliner on heat enjoying their shenanigan's. Once they quit and I doze off Missy is back wanting to play. So I hold the toy so she can attack it.

Groceries came at 8 a.m. and that lady wants to help by putting things away. Problem is I have to watch as I'm trying to do that as she was going to put a milk in the freezer which I don't do. Then later I called her as I was missing distilled water. No she put that in the cupboard with the rest.

Wil got up at 9 a.m. and I put his clothes on the end of the bed and waited and waited for him to get out as my tea was getting cold and I was standing until I sat on his office chair. I finally had to walk back to get him out that room so the business of dentures then hearing aids then pills before I got him ready to eat cereal and drink coffee with 2 small cookies.

Then I was back to the heating pad and dozed off. Decided I couldn't sit through church, maybe I'll catch that tonight.

At lunch time I was on ice  pack. I asked him if he wanted some of the grocery company homemade soup we had left yesterday. He says that sounds good. Wasn't enough left for both of us so he got it and his coffee. But he wasn't eating it so I took the coffee away. Didn't matter he wouldn't eat it. So I reheated it got a clean spoon and I ate it. Yes I bitched at him about it. I got him some potato salad and coleslaw. He took one bite. I put it back in the container and gave him his coffee back and walked back here. Grabbed me a muffin and a drink. I usually share a muffin with him but not this time.

This behavior is just reassuring me in the decision I don't want to take. I need to call tomorrow and make an appt. to go see the place. Kate said she would take me. It's an hour from here so I will have to line up respite care for him too.  It all moved me in this direction after 2 days of his belligerent behavior. His primary doctor ordered meds, they didn't tell me and it will be the 23rd before they even arrive.

Top it all off I'm trying to get taxes done and the lady said she would send me a link so she could explain it. I waited up Friday and didn't get the link. I have to pay $1,000 again and don't understand why. Last time we had all that estate stuff but that account is closed now. I can't believe $70 interest on one account I put it in and some other small interest rates is the reason.

Added to the mess is trying to get used to the new liner on my uppers and the pesser on the other end. lol Getting old no fun.

Do I try to keep up?  I have a new paper journal to write in and forgot where I used it last. Just found it this morning when showing the new caregiver the type of razor I use. It was in the coloring room. So I'm 19 days behind.

Couple days ago I took trash out and didn't notice how cold it was. Had a jacket on. So I tossed clothes in the washer. Mistake, water lines may have been OK but the drain wasn't. Quickly shut the washer off and grabbed an old mattress pad and window drape to stop the river as I grabbed a broom and opened the back door. Knew Missy was in the garage but didn't figure she would come down from the 'penthouse'. She didn't.

Then the question came do I  start it up again when temp hit 40 degrees outside.  Went out to get the drape but the mattress pad was frozen to the patio. That meant search for something else in case. Got Wil his supper and I sat with a bowl of cereal close to the door. The washer doesn't pick up where it stopped it started all over.  Give me the days you could manually control the washer.

Lady here for Wil could not shave his upper lip but she gave me the name of a product like the old Nair for women's legs. I will need to go to Wal Mart and look for it, they still haven't delivered part of my last order. Plus they cancelled part of it so I really hate using their online. I'm waiting for a tape to put on furniture to stop cat scratching. To arrive 21st.

Missy will use the logs but she uses anything she wants too. lol She was in here the other day and I never heard the plant hit the floor. It was the Lucky Bamboo Carissa gave me. I have nothing else to put it in and no where else to set it. Consider it wasn't lucky for me. I have another one Steve gave me one day with fake phalenopsis. Didn't realize that was fake at first, nor did he. Local grocery selling them and you basically are paying for the container. lol  Haven't seen Missy near it.

Gotta run.

Oh what to have for supper?  Today Wil ate his cereal and left the milk. It was an hour before I found it but I drank it anyway. Groceries were delivered today. This lady will not only carry them to the kitchen but put them away as I tell her where. lol Wish I had a choice on shopper but with Shipt you have a list of favorites for them to pick from. Not necessarily the best of them all.

Wil was here with me but I guess he doesn't like the cd I put in. I told him I'd change it but he went out. His hearing aids are so good I have to turn volume way down or he won't even walk in.

Our weather is so beautiful today I should of tried to walk but I was without computer for 2 days thanks to Spectrum. Got this email from them:

Thanks for contacting us concerning your service outage. For an outage to qualify for credit, the outage must last at least four hours.

Once service has been restored, we will determine whether a credit can be issued and contact you.

I got news for them if they want to keep our business they darn well better credit.

So catch up email, still not done. I get daily Bible lessons, then there is Facebook catch up. Not possible.

I'm going to be able to get to church 'Christmas Eve' at 11 a.m. as the driving group will pick me up and Marcelle will bring me home as we go by Luby's and pick up our dinner, paid for by her and someone else I think.  I hope I don't start crying as the last couple days tears keep showing up. Even watching Justice O'Connor funeral I lost it on the hymn Amazing Grace.

Emotions kicked up yesterday as I gathered up some things to ship back to Jamestown Historical Society as when I die no one will want them. I didn't mention that to them.  If I ever have to leave my home I am going to be a mess.

Our Pastor retired after 30 yrs and I had printed out a bunch of his sermons now what to do with them? LOL  I've met the new pastor and his wife and really like them. They got here from Maryland. Of course we are now Global Methodist, not United Methodist. long story.

Yakked enough, hope you all have a good Christmas and a good New Year.

Not sure if I'll send out any notices. Only 4 people now on the list. One I can contact on FB if I remember her new sign in. My memory is getting worse about names. People I've known for years I struggle to pull up their name. I remember Old Hat but to get him on FB I have to remember his name as James.

Things are getting tougher here even for me. I struggle to swallow my Janument and this morning it felt like it was caught and apparently it was. By the time I got it back it came with bright blood and what looked like an old clot perhaps as I had not eaten anything brown. Sorry I'm gross. I need to fire off a note to my primary about a substitute perhaps. I have a phone meeting this week with the gastro NP but I'm afraid to continue trying to get those hard caps down and I take them twice a day. I've had a problem swallowing for some time. My last exam they found thrush in my throat.

Wil has it days, or should I say his nights. Sundowners he starts rearranging things and walking around. 3 days I couldn't find Missy's bowl and I knew it had food in it as I set it up under the can with food to keep Mr. Grey from eating it. But it was gone, looked every where. Found it by opening a decorative tin holding keys. It still had the food in it. I've also lost my handicap placard and I remember laying it by my purse since it wouldn't fit in the purse. We went out for our COVID annual booster right after. If he threw it in the trash I don't know why he would have. To get another would not be easy.  I don't drive much any more and most handicap spaces are taken any way. Our church has a program to help us old folks.  Our bus company requires at least 7 page application some of which the doctor would have to fill and that is for one person.  So if we have an appt. for both that won't work. No I have not tried Uber. They aren't cheap and you can't schedule both trips at one time so we would be sitting around waiting for another driver to take us home.

A friend came in to help look for the placard and parted with it isn't safe for us here as I hadn't lined up someone to clean my floors. That's her way to say we should be in assisted living. So until I found out if Evelyn was coming back I killed myself trying to sweep and mop the kitchen, long hallway and dinning room. That was dumb of me.  Evelyn had gone to Mexico to see her sister who has bone cancer and it drained her. But Nadia said she would fill in.  Why I let Kate get to me I don't know. She is a lovely lady, a tad bossy and a retired Hospice Nurse. She says I have fallen more than anyone else she knows. I have fallen 4 times this year and the last I was squatting at the cat bowl when I went backward. 4 times is not a lot in a year.

Time to get Wil up for shower/shave.

Another year is slipping by. Hit 84 this month. In January Wil hits 86, we just had our 63rd wedding anniv. this month. Nothing special this year. Our 50th was the last cake with daughter. I'm almost tempted this year to put up the big tree even if I don't put any decorations on it. I miss the lights. I suppose Missy cat would try to eat them.  Pretty sure she would go after ornaments.

 Here she is in one of her favorite spots.  She comes up on the arm of the recliner long enough for me to pet her a tiny bit, she will turn around and come right up to my face and take off. She's still a little feral. My friend came to help get her to the vet and she went wild and scratched her.

Mr.Grey I got in the carrier by tossing treats in it for a couple weeks. We didn't know what he would do when he got there so vet took him to another room, he was fine. Still weighs 11 lbs and a few oz less than first time there.

Can't remember when I got them, to lazy to get up and go look at their records. Lost my external drive that had all their pictures. They mean a lot to me and I no longer feed him on the floor as about a week ago I was squatting and fell backwards down the hall. A nasty bruise. I finally went to urgent care up the street with Wil in tow and they insisted I go to ER . I had an abnormal EKG which turned out to be a normal abnormal for someone my age. sigh..

Wil's dementia has gotten worse but we've been doing fine until last night at bedtime. He became belligerent and I argued with him, I wanted to go to bed. Unfortunately I told him he didn't like it here I could put him in a nursing home. I regret that hopefully he forgot it.

This morning I fired off a note to the doctor and this afternoon his tech called a prescription was going in and it is more expensive so I may have to pay for it. Now I'm more afraid I don't want to introduce side effects.  I haven't heard from the pharmacy.